How To Love
by AllForLoganBTR
Summary: "I admire your poppin' bottles and dippin', just as much as you admire bartendin' and strippin' baby."  James had been hurt too many times. He didn't want love. But Logan changed everything, loved James. The only problem was James didn't know how to love. Jagan smut, please read and review. M for adult themes.
1. I Admire Your Poppin' Bottles & Dippin'

**A/N: YAY! I finally finished my first chapter of this! To fully understand it, I suggest you listen to the song **_How To Love by Lil' Wayne._

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

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><p>"You ready, Jamie boy?"<p>

James nodded at his friend, Carlos, before placing the black hard hat on his head and smudging black body glitter on his chest and face. "Yeah. Lemme just put on the suspenders."

Carlos shrugged and walked over to the clothing rack, grabbing the cowboy boots and tugging them on his feet. "They're waitin' fer us out yonder."

James slid his feet into the rubber boots and pulled the suspenders onto his shoulders, making the strips longer so the pants they held would hang lower on his hips. "Let's bring up some guys tonight."

The boys stepped out from behind the curtain and went to their designated places on the stage as their boss announced their arrival.

"Welcome to BoyQuake! Your Sunset Boulevard strip club where you can watch your boys gettin' down and dirty! Tonight we have your favorites by request, Jamie Diamond as your Flirtatious Firefighter and Little 'Los as your Kinky Cowboy!"

James glanced at Carlos who simply winked and stuck some wheat between his lips. "Light it up, partner."

The crowd cheered and James gave a dazzling smile as he heard the music start, walking to the silver pole to his right.

—

Logan and Kendall showed their IDs to the bouncer before he stepped to the side to let the boys inside.

"Wow," Kendall whispered, eyes scanning over the mass of bodies surrounding the two small stages where what looked like a firefighter and cowboy were dancing and getting money shoved in their pants. He eyed the large bar to the left and the dance floor to the right, people grinding on each other as the smell of alcohol filled his nose.

"I hate to say it, but I told you so," Logan said, smiling and throwing an arm over the blonde's shoulders. "If you're lucky, one of those guys'll pull you up on stage."

Kendall smiled at Logan as they headed over to the bar. "I hope so. That cowboy's pretty sexy."

Logan glanced over at the dancing Latino, a twenty dollar bill sticking out of the cutoff shorts he was wearing. He was attractive, but the firefighter really caught his eye. He had smudges of soot all over his chest, pecs glistening with a sheen of sweat as the lights beat down on his body. Logan practically drooled as the taller boy swayed his hips and dropped to the floor, grabbing the face of the man in front of him and nipping at his jaw. He felt his skinny jeans tighten in the front as he saw the man shove a Benjamin in the stripper's yellow pants before he caught the boy's hazel eyes. The boy gave Logan a seductive look before biting his bottom lip and grinding his crotch into the silver pole in front of him, eyes locked on Logan the whole time.

Logan was lost in la-la land until he felt a punch in the arm. He whirled around to see Kendall handing him a drink, a Manhattan on the rocks. "Jesus, you zoned out on me. And I think that firefighter was watching you."

Logan nodded and sipped his drink, looking at the man as he dipped low again, getting two more men shove money in the front of his suspenders. "Yeah, I know."

—

James tugged the strap down his right arm, then his left, letting the suspenders hang past his ass. Half the guys here were already throwing themselves at him and he hadn't even gotten to the best part yet. He swung himself around the pole watching a hot redhead at the front of the stage palm himself through his jeans. James smiled to himself and looked to the back again, seeing that guy that just came in, dark hair spiked and teeth dazzling. He was standing at the bar with a blond guy, holding a half empty Manhattan. The guy looked over and locked eyes with James again, smiling a sexy smirk, dimples prominent on his cheeks. James danced and watched as he gulped the rest of his drink down and set his empty glass on the bar before dragging the blond over to where he and Carlos were dancing.

James glanced at Carlos who looked back and smiled, tilting his cowboy hat before he shifted his eyes to the dark-haired boy in the back. James nodded and blushed, nudging his head toward the blond guy with him. Carlos smiled and winked, rolling his eyes as James rolled his hips against the pole and his pants fell, leaving him in nothing but a red speedo with the Los Angeles Fire Department crest on it. The guys hollered and tossed bills at him as he stepped out of the pants and tossed them to the side of the stage. James smirked and headed to the center of the stage and walked down the stairs, most of the guys reaching out and touching his sweaty body and shoving money in his pants as he made his way over to the dark-haired boy at the back of the crowd.

Logan's eyes shifted nervously as the stripper approached him, all the men fawning over his gorgeous body as he came over. Kendall nudged Logan and smirked. "I think he's kinda got a thing for ya."

Logan punched him in the shoulder and felt an arm wrap around his waist from behind, hot breath against his ear.

"You come here often, babe?"

Logan shuddered at the timbre of this guy's voice, the deep, husky tone resonating through his head. He nodded, feeling his pants get impossibly tighter and his mouth go dry.

"I haven't seen you 'round here before. What's your name?"

"Lo-Logan," he replied shakily, licking his lips and closing his eyes as the arm spun him around.

"I'm James."

When Logan opened his eyes, he was met with gorgeous hazel ones, piercing into him with want. "Care to join me, Logan?" James asked, dragging his name out as seductively as possible.

All he could do was nod as James pulled him up on stage and started grinding against him. Logan grinded back, wrapping his arms around James's broad chest, rolling his hips into James's ass, and damn, it felt good. James turned to face Logan and mouthed at his neck, nipping at the pale flesh beneath his lips. Logan gasped, eyes focusing on James as he bit down hard enough to bruise, Logan's eyes dilating with full blown lust. Men continued to fawn over the mostly naked boy in front of him, tossing money and something else on stage. Logan looked down at the floor, seeing the glossy tile littered with small foil packets. He laughed inside and felt James push his charcoal vest off his shoulders and toss it sidestage as his hand roamed to the buttons of his dress shirt, popping them one by one until the gray material was hanging off of his body, revealing the center of his pale chest.

James was groveling. This guy was gorgeous! I mean, he could use a tan, but he was built like a brick shithouse. James swallowed thickly and reached forward, pushing the material off of Logan's body and letting it rumple on the floor. He studied the curves of Logan's body, the contours of his chest, the ridges of his abs, right down to the dark happy trail that disappeared below his belt. He felt himself swell a little in his skimpy speedo, hearing the crowd roar again.

Logan watched as James yanked him forward by the tie on his neck and latched himself onto it and started sucking again, making him bite his lip to prevent a moan. He popped an eye open and realized he was not submissive, not for anyone. So what would make James different? Logan reached a hand up, feeling for the edge of the hard hat and flipping it off the pretty boy's head as he threaded his fingers into the chestnut locks and pulled his head back. James looked at Logan with confusion until he saw the smirk that played on the shorter boy's lips. Logan grabbed James's waist and spun him around, grinding into his ass again.

James was enjoying this. His cash was long forgotten as he rolled his hips backward onto those of a stranger, knowing he needed more than this. James turned his body and pressed Logan up against the pole, squishing the smaller boy between the metal rod and himself. He leaned down and whispered into Logan's ear, breath hot and heavy. "Meet me backstage in thirty minutes for some real fun, _sexy_."

Logan nodded and craned his head, looking at James with a lusty, half-lidded gaze.

"Oh, and bring Blondie, too. Carlitos seems to be enjoying him," James added, looking over to Carlos and seeing him taking the blonde's hands and putting them on his ass.

"Sure, James," Logan said, a husky tone to his voice that definitely wasn't there before.

He bent down to pick up his shirt and received a smack on the ass by James, seeing the boy smirking at him. "Have any spunky exits?"

Logan smiled and proceeded to backflip, land perfectly, and head down the stairs as the crowd cheered. James shook his head and smiled, waving to the crowd before stepping behind the curtain to get rid of his body glitter and costume in exchange for skinny jeans and a chic black button down, the top buttons open as he styled his hair and headed to the bar, taking the dishrag from Dak.

"Looks like you had some fun," he said, punching James's shoulder.

The pretty boy chuckled. "He's gorgeous."

Dak nodded. "He is pretty nice looking. But, he's all yours. I have Jett. Speaking of Jett, is Carlos taking over the DJ booth from him?"

"Yeah. You both gotta strip too, y'know."

Dak smiled and rubbed James's back. "I know. I'm a Bad Boy tonight and Jett is the Luscious Lumberjack." He started toward the backstage door but stopped, walking over to James again. "By the way, he takes his Manhattan on the rocks, two cherries. Just the way you like it."

James smiled and watched his friend slip backstage, turning around and drying two glasses that Dak just washed. He glanced up, watching Logan and Blondie laugh, then Logan fall on the floor. He stifled a laugh himself as the clumsy boy got up and pointed at the bar. Blondie shook his head and laughed as Logan smacked him in the chest. James took the privilege to whip up another drink for Logan and set it on the bar, waiting for him to see it. James saw Blondie tell Logan something before heading to the bathrooms, leaving Logan to see the drink and head to the bar. James leaned on it as Logan sat in front of him, pulling out his wallet. "How much do I owe you?"

James shook his head. "It's on me."

Logan looked up and James smiled, seeing that same lusty, half-lidded gaze he got before. "James?"

"At your service."

"You bartend too?"

The pretty boy nodded, leaning toward the guy that just walked up to the bar. Logan watched James walk all the way to the other end and grab a beer out of the fridge and twist the cap off, handing it to the guy.

"I like bartending. Plus, we always trade off when we work. Right now, Dak and Jett are backstage getting ready to go on. I take over Dak's bar while Carlos takes over the DJ booth," James explained, leaning to the left to glance around Logan, "which by the looks of it, your friend, Blondie, already figured out."

Logan turned to see Kendall at the DJ booth chatting up the small Latino. "And Kendall didn't wanna come with me tonight."

Both boys laughed as they watched Carlos pull Kendall behind the booth with him, grabbing his hand and teaching him how to spin records. The blond stared at Carlos like a little girl would stare at Justin Bieber and they laughed even harder.

"So, Logan," James started, "tell me about yourself."

Logan thought for a moment before smiling. "Well, my last name is Mitchell, I'm twenty-one, and I'm studying at UCLA to become a doctor."

James raised his eyebrows. "Impressive, Doctor Mitchell."

Logan blushed a dark red. "It's really nothing." James propped his head up in his hand as he leaned on the counter. "Tell me about you," Logan said to James.

"The last name's Diamond, I'm a bartender, I'm a stripper, I'm twenty, and I make a mean omelet," the taller boy replied, making Logan chuckle.

A man's voice came over the loudspeaker, introducing the next round of dancers. "All you Dak and Jett fans out there, we got a special treat for ya. Here they are tonight, right now, as your Bad Boy and your Luscious Lumberjack!"

The crowd roared as the boys walked out and started dancing, neither one even remotely attractive to Logan. He had a knack for light brown hair and hazel eyes.

James sighed. "Men are such pigs."

"Look who's talking, Mr. Sexy Firefighter," Logan mumbled back.

James raised an eyebrow. "What was that? Did you say I'm sexy?"

Logan blushed, realizing his own choice of words. "I-I..."

"Hey, _you_ agreed to meet me backstage after they're done. So, who do you want? Confused Astronaut? Athletic Dog Trainer? Hot and Greasy Mechanic?"

James chuckled as Logan turned darker, face flushing in embarrassment as he asked James, "Can you be a hot football player?"

The taller boy smiled. "So you like the jocks?"

Logan nodded shyly and James just smiled. "I play hockey and I've tossed a football around, so I might be able to fit your taste in guys."

Logan exhaled in relief as he watched James head down to the opposite side of the bar. The younger boy talked with a ginger, turning around to pour liquor in a shaker. He shoveled ice into the metal glass and put the lid on, shaking it up well before pouring it into a martini glass and popping a cherry into it. He handed it to the redhead who handed him cash and left, leaving the taller boy to himself. He headed back over to Logan, who watched James shove the six bucks in his waist apron pocket.

"Where were we?" Logan asked.

James scratched his head in mock thought. "Uh, I believe you were telling me about your taste in men."

He gazed at Logan with curious eyes and studied the older boy's features. His skin was smooth and creamy, so flawless. James had the urge to reach out and run his fingers over his cheek, to revel in the softness of Logan's face, but he refrained, at least for the moment. He heard Logan talking about something but wasn't really paying attention as he got lost in his chocolate eyes, the brown orbs swirling with ribbons of gold and copper. They were gorgeous to say the least, well, James thought so. He shifted his gaze to the boy's lips, so pink and plump and perfectly kissable. James frowned at bit at himself, knowing full well that his rules for himself were no kissing on the lips and no staying too long. He didn't want a repeat of last time. He didn't want love.

The thought made him frown harder, his expression not going unnoticed by Logan. He saw James's normally sparkling hazel eyes clouded with sadness and remorse as the corners of his lips turned slightly downward in a scowl. The bartender's eyebrows gave his features a look of sadness and self-reproach, as if he was thinking about all the things he'd regretted.

Logan had a deep admiration for the bartender, though. How the brunette was built like Adonis and was stunning overall. His chestnut locks were perfectly styled, hazel eyes twinkling, and lips perfect for sucking off of his face. He had a dazzling smile that would make any girl, guy, or animal that got close enough, swoon on his beauty. His complexion was tan, but from spending years in the sun, not hours in a tanning booth.

Logan wanted that. He wanted to be able to hold, and kiss, and love all of that. James was man of hard work, the hard work it took to look good, and Logan could appreciate that.

But at the moment, James was looking staring into space, the lost look in his eyes making Logan start to worry.

He waved a hand in front of James's face, snapping his fingers at him. "James?"

The taller boy shifted his haze to Logan and gave a small smile. "Hmm?"

"You looked sad and you zoned out for a minute or two."

"Oh," James sighed, remembering the reason he zoned.

"Did you want to talk about it?" Logan asked softly.

James thought for a minute. His mind screamed, _'No! You've known this guy for an hour! No fucking way!'_ while his heart contradicted, _'Yes, James. He can help. He's genuine and you like that. Trust him.'_

"I couldn't," James answered, a bit embarrassed. "I don't want to bother you with my fucked up life. It's a long story."

Logan traced circles on James's arm, which rested on the bar in front of him. "I've got time."

James smiled and admired Logan, the other smiling back. He'd only met him thirty minutes ago and yet, Logan wanted to know him.

James explained his life and how he'd run away from his constantly fighting parents when he was around twelve. He stayed at Carlos's house, his parents treating him like their own son for the remaining six years until he moved out and got a small apartment, coming here every night until the manager offered him a job. It didn't go down well at school. He got held back one year so he was the only eighteen year old senior at the beginning of the year and almost everyone found out what he did to put food in his mouth. They tormented him, calling him worthless, dirty, and used. He went from captain of the hockey team and quarterback for the football team, to some slutty loser who didn't have any parents. It tore him apart emotionally, making him feel insecure every time a guy or girl looked at him for more than five seconds. Every relationship he had never lasted long, most being one-night-stands. His friends disowned him except for Carlos. He'd stuck by him and worked with him and they were the best of friends.

"I guess I never figured out how to love," James said, looking down at the smooth wood underneath his arm. His distorted reflection stared back at him, shaggy bangs hanging in front of his face.

"I think you're incredibly strong," Logan replied. "And I'm sure you know how to love. Apparently people don't care enough to wait and find out."

James looked up into Logan's deep brown orbs and saw admiration flicker across them. He smiled, his prominent dimples popping onto his cheeks, perfect teeth glinting under the lights. James heard the music change and watched the curtains go down.

"Give me five minutes before you come backstage. And bring Kendall. We could have some fun," James said, placing his waist apron on the hook.

Logan watched James leave and as soon as the pretty boy's ass disappeared around the corner of the bar, Logan turned animalistic. His eyes dilated with the lust that coursed through his body, all prior thoughts leaving his head as images of James flooded in, hot and heavy underneath him. Logan felt himself swell in his jeans, cock already half hard as he slid from the barstool and made his way to Kendall who was standing by the empty deejay booth.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kendall asked when Logan grabbed his wrist, hauling him toward the door that led backstage.

"I'm doing you a huge favor," the brunette replied, voice deeper and having an unfamiliar huskiness to it. "Just go with me, okay?"

Kendall nodded, a little scared an a lot intimidated by Logan at the moment.

They stopped at a door labeled '_BACKSTAGE_' and had a small '_Employees_ _Only_' written underneath.

"Logan, we should go," Kendall said, turning to walk away.

"No," The blonde looked at the boy that grabbed his wrist. Logan twisted the doorknob and pulled Kendall with him. The blonde was skeptical, and he knew this was wrong, so why was Logan, of all people, the one doing it?

They made their way down the corridor and came to the end, staring at two doors across the hall from each other. The boys stood back-to-back, Logan reading the name 'James Diamond' over and over on his purple door while Kendall memorized each letter of Carlos Garcia' on his blue door.

"Good luck, Loges," Kendall whispered.

Logan simply smirked. "Same to you, bud. Have fun."

Logan twisted the knob and entered James's dressing room, seeing the rope lights all along the seams of the wall. They lit up the whole room, highlighting a vanity, a futon, and the bathroom door that was shut in the back corner of the room. Light poured from underneath the door, making Logan lick his lips at the thought of the delicious boy that hid behind it. Logan sat on the plum futon and pulled his phone out of his pocket, staring at the multiple unread texts from his friend, Camille. He ignored them as he popped open Facebook and started searching James Diamond. He finally got a result and smiled, hitting the _'Send Friend Request_' button.

His head perked up when he heard the bathroom door unlock, watching the light shut off and James walk out.

If Logan wasn't hard before, he sure as hell was now. James made his way over to Logan in football pants and cleats, bare chest showing, dripping sweat as his hair was stuck to his forehead with perspiration.

"Oh, hey Logan."

Logan licked his lips, drinking in the other boy's appearance fully before making any move. He cautiously stood, standing about five inches shorter than James, coming eye level to the pretty boy's teeth. Logan smiled and looked up at James.

James stared down at Logan, eyeing the boy's plump lips.

'_No kissing on the lips, remember,_' he thought to himself, tearing his eyes away from the pink flesh.

He pushed the smaller boy back onto the futon and straddled his hips, mouth going to bite on his neck.

"I haven't even touched you and you're already rock hard," James mumbled against Logan's jawline, moving his hips back and forth in Logan's lap.

Logan let out a hearty moan, thrusting his hips up against James's, the tight sports pants making great friction. Logan tossed his head back and gave James more access as the taller boy slid the vest down Logan's arms along with his dress shirt, slowly popping the buttons as a tease. The garments were tossed on the floor as Logan's hands wrapped around James's back and pulled him closer, desperately craving something to latch his mouth onto. Logan threaded a hand into James's hair and yanked his head back, staring into the deep hazel eyes before smashing their lips together, sliding in sync.

Alarms went off in James's head, but he didn't pull away, feeling a method behind this madness. He felt more with Logan, not like the boy was just some random fuck. He felt more. So he let it slide. For now.

Logan's lips felt so good, tasted like a mixture of alcohol and lust. They were soft and so perfectly kissable that James wanted to stay like that forever. He loved how the smaller boy's kisses were so gentle, so sweet, yet his demeanor was animalistic. He looked so innocent from afar, like a lost puppy trying to find it's mother.

But now, Logan was vicious, biting and tugging the tender skin at the base of James's jaw, reaching down and gently placing his hand over the bulge in James's tight football pants. The taller let out an choked gasp, tossing his head back. He stood and kicked his cleats off, moaning as he lightly brushed his hand over his own hard length.

Logan got up and stepped behind James, wrapping one bicep around his waist and the other over his shoulder, hands flat on his chest. James looked down, Logan's pale fingers a contrast to his skin. Logan pressed the front of his body flush against James's back, his painful erection gaining temporary relief from it's place against the taller's ass.

"_Fuuuuuuck_, Logan," James droned, breath coming out in harsh pants.

The older boy smiled and pulled James backward until he felt the backs of his legs hit the edge of the futon. He fell onto it and pulled James into his lap, eyes rolling back in his head as a "Holy mother of God" escapes his lips. James fell on him hard, creating incredible friction against his suffocating cock, waves of pleasure rolling through his entire body.

"Ngh, James," he gasped, hands rubbing up and down James's firm stomach. He leaned forward and breathed on James's neck, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder before darting his tongue out to lick a stripe along the tanned skin. James shuddered and Logan felt his frame shake, the saltiness of perspiration on his taste buds. James's head lolled back on Logan's shoulder, his neck stretching out and eyes fluttering shut with hopes that the tongue will return.

Instead, the pale hands rubbed along his chest, hands slick with the sweat that was there. Logan trailed them lower, James's large hands reaching underneath his own thighs to grip Logan's through the boy's skinny jeans. Logan could feel the soft hairs underneath James's bellybutton, following the happy trail to trace along the edge of the waistband of the football pants.

"L-Logan, stop teasing," James breathed, "Unhh!"

James pushed his neck against Logan's mouth, hips shaking with anticipation as the lingering hand slowly pushed past the elastic and tangled in the short hair surrounding the prize. James let out a strangled half-moan of Logan's name as the latter wrapped his fingers around the pretty boy's shaft, slowly pumping up and down.

Logan was so turned on. He was craving the sounds he was getting; the breathy moans, the hearty growls, the sharp gasps. He felt James spread his legs even further, the younger boy having a vice-like grip on his thighs as he pushed his hips up into Logan's hand.

"James," Logan whispered against James's neck, "help me."

James rolled eyes into the back of his head and groaned, moving his hands to pull the sports pants and jockstrap down his legs, freeing his aching cock. Logan's mouth returned to James's skin, sucking and nipping at the nape of his neck as he moved his hand faster along the pretty boy's length. He loves how James mewls, begging him to go faster as he digs his nails into Logan's thighs.

"Logan, f-faster," James breathed out, the end turning into an obscene moan when the older boy reached lower to roll his balls in his hand. James's eyes fluttered shut and he shifted his hips to obtain more friction when he heard the well-earned growl Logan emitted. It was low, it was loud, and it was fucking sexy. James smirked to himself and twisted his body around so he was facing Logan, legs on either sides of his hips. James pressed his naked body up against Logan's bare chest, rolling his hips forward so his length rubbed up on the older boy's abs.

"James," he gasped, "Oh, _Jaaaaames_."

The pretty boy tossed his head back and continued to grind up against Logan. He brought his hazel gaze down to stare directly into chocolate brown eyes that were black with want.

"Logan, fuck me. I want you so much, just take me..." he trailed off, before getting up and letting Logan remove his pants at an agonizingly slow pace. He snaked his hand down and started to pump himself slow, swiping his thumb over the tip and letting the ripples of pleasure course through his body.

"Ngh, Logan!" James yelled, breath heavy as he exploded, eyes squeezed shut tight. He stroked himself through his high and opened his eyes, feeling his cock already harden again. Logan's jeans were at his knees and had lines of white streaking across them. Hazel eyes moved upwards to see the ribbons crisscrossing over the older boy's lower region and chest as he stood from his place on the futon.

"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen, Jamie," Logan said, kicking his stained jeans off the rest of the way. He loved the way the lights cast a yellowish glow to James's tanned skin, the light glinting off the sheen of perspiration that covered his entire body. Logan watched a droplet of sweat run down the center of his chest, down his abs, only to disappear in the dark curls of James's nether region. His mouth watered as he guided James to the futon, the taller boy getting on his knees on the cushions.

James stared at Logan as he moved to his place behind James. He was huge! James wasn't complaining though, it just turned him on all the more, knowing all nine inches of the gorgeous brunette would soon be shoved up inside of him. He felt a slick digit circle his hole before it was pushed in, a loud moan tearing from his throat.

"Already stretched for me, huh?" Logan asked, a tinge of playfulness in his voice. "Looks like you knew you weren't doing the fucking tonight."

James hummed when two more digits thrust into him, probing his insides for that one special spot.

Logan buried his three fingers inside the taller boy, curling and pressing, looking to find that one spot—

"Fuck!" James pushed back onto the fingers, whining in need, head craning to look at Logan. "Dear God, just..._please_, Logan, I need you, I need you so bad."

Logan felt his cock throb at the boy's desperation, a moan spilling from his lips as he removed his fingers, hearing James whimper at the loss.

James was needy. He was desperate, and with the fingers gone, he was even more so. He breathed heavy, hanging his head, waiting for what felt like an eternity.

"Come on, just fuck me, Loga_aaaaa—ngh_."

Logan thrust in smoothly, hands going up to James's hips as he thrust in again. Logan felt his cock throb as James's plead turned into a wanton moan. James's hands gripped the back of the futon as he was pressed further up against the cushion, the pillow rubbing against his length.

Logan stared at James, fascinated by the way his shoulder blades protruded from his back, so sultry. The light made his skin shine under their glow, the small beads of sweat turning the older boy on even more, if it was possible. Not wanting to hurt James, Logan was being gentle. He worked at a slow pace, eyes trained on the wet hairs matted to back of James's neck. His perfectly styled hair was sticking in every direction, most of the chestnut strands falling around his face. He thought James looked absolutely beautiful like this; flustered and utterly flawless.

"Harder, Logan," James gasped, desperately wanting the older boy to pound into him so hard he wouldn't be able to walk for a week.

Logan, not wanting to disappoint, complied with the boy's request, speeding up his thrusts tenfold. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's waist as he attached his lips to James's shoulder.

With each snap of Logan's hips, James's body rubbed up against the rough fabric of the futon, creating delicious friction that had James writing in pleasure.

No matter how much Logan stretched James, the boy fit around him like a glove. His velvety heat hugged Logan's length perfectly, periodically clenching around it. Logan could tell the other was close, he could feel it. He was close himself, the constant strings of curse words and moans spilling from James's lips getting stuck in Logan's head.

"You're so tight, Jamie," Logan mumbled against the pretty boy's shoulder, "So fucking tight."

James moaned and tilted his head back to give the latter more access to his neck while one hand on his waist moved lower to grasp his cock.

"Ngh," James breathed, rocking his hips forward into the warm hand and backward onto Logan's dick, waves of ecstasy rippling through his entire body. "I'm close."

James rested his head against the wall behind the futon and got lost in the feeling of Logan's lips, sucking and kissing his back as the older boy's hand worked his length.

"I'm close, too," came Logan's breathy response.

His hand worked fasted along with his hips, sending James over the edge screaming Logan's name as he shot his seed all over the futon.

Logan's heart pounded in his chest as he felt James's walls clench around him. He emitted a loud moan and emptied his load deep inside James.

"Holy shit," James muttered, collapsing on the furniture underneath him. Logan pulled out and laid on top of the other boy, smiling at him before leaning down and capturing his lips in a soft kiss. James closed his eyes and kissed back, hand coming up to grasp the back of Logan's sweaty neck and deepen the kiss.

The pair laid there for what felt like forever, Logan gently running his fingers through the pretty boy's hair, as he gazed into the deep hazel orbs that seemed to hold so many secrets, so many stories and emotions that Logan wanted to see. He couldn't ever bear the thought of hurting the gorgeous man beneath him.

"James," he whispered, "I just want you to know, that you deserve the best, you're beautiful."

James let a soft smile grace his flawless features, a warm, tingly feeling fluttering in his chest.

Logan rubbed his thumb over James's cheek. _"You're beautiful."_

"And I want you to know, you're far from the usual," James replied, hand caressing Logan's face, "far from the usual."

Logan smiled a dazzling smile, leaning down to nuzzle his face in James's neck, inhaling the strong smell of musk and cologne that lingered there.

"We should get dressed," James said, encouraging the older boy to do so. Logan stood and pulled his jeans on, the black fabric stained from earlier. He put his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and let it hang open, sliding the vest over it.

"Sorry 'bout your pants," James said, a blush tinting his cheeks in embarrassment.

Logan shrugged and watched James pull on sweat pants and a tee, thinking about how James looked so delectable even in that. "It's okay."

James slipped on his sneakers and grabbed his bag, flipping to switch to turn the lights off. He and Logan stepped through the door and made their way back into the now empty club, the custodian mopping the floors. They headed out the front doors and into the parking lot, Logan walking James to his car.

"This was fun," James said, turning to the shorter boy, "I'm glad you came with me tonight."

Logan nodded, a small pang of disappointment in his chest. He was hoping for and 'incredible' or 'amazing', but then again, he wasn't very experienced and James had probably had so much better.

"Yeah, it was. Thanks for letting me, y'know, meet you backstage." He smiled at James who threw his bag in the passenger seat of his Audi.

James nodded and got into his car, hitting the ignition. "Anytime."

"James," Logan said, "I _lo_—ike you. I like you."

James tried not to let the small pain of the statement show. He wanted Logan to love him.

"And I like you."

"Good night, James."

"Good night, Logan."

James sped out of the parking lot to leave Logan standing where the car had just been. The brunette walked to his car and slid into the driver's seat to fin Kendall asleep in the passenger side.

Logan smiled and drove home, carrying Kendall to his couch and covering him with a blanket. He headed to his room upstairs, staring at the green numbers of his clock.

4:26 am.

He crawled into bed, happy that the next day he had no classes, and stared at the ceiling until thoughts of James made their way into his dreams.

—

James sat at his dining room table in his small apartment, back to the room as he faced the corner. He glanced over his shoulder at the front door and sighed, Logan's face popping up in his head. He pushed the thought away and stared at the glass of milk in front of him, a bubble popping in the white liquid.

He didn't want love.

He wanted sex. He wanted money. He wanted fame.

Yet, at the same time, he wanted Logan. He felt something with the boy, and he liked it. It felt good.

But what had tonight been? A one night stand? Would he ever see Logan again?

James stood and put the milk in the fridge before seeing Carlos walk in the front door and head straight upstairs to bed. James decided to follow his lead, heading to his own room and sliding underneath the covers, eyes closing.

Logan flooded his thoughts again, along with the fuzzy feeling he'd felt when Logan called him beautiful.

But James didn't want love. He'd been hurt too many times. He never had luck. He had a lot of moments that didn't last forever. He was doing it for his own good.

When in reality, he was doing it for Logan. He didn't want to hurt the boy. He knew Logan wanted love, but how could James give it to him?

James had no idea how to love.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Let me know what you think by leaving me a review!**

—A «3


	2. You Deserve the Best, You're Beautiful

**A/N: Hola everyone! I know I like disappeared off the face of the earth but I promise I'm still alive! I just started high school two weeks ago and I'm in IB so my homework load is INSANE. I've been writing mostly on weekends and I've spent all day on this and on SWAT 28 which I'm gonna post too. Also, a public apology to CudaChick7! I'm working on your one-shot, I promise!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Songs mentioned: **

_Creep _by _Radiohead_

_How To Love _by _Lil' Wayne_

**I'm currently obsessed with the song **_Creep by Radiohead _**and hadn't originally planned to put it in this story, but I did. If you go on YouTube and listen to this song, I suggest listening to Kendall's acoustic version because, in my opinion, it's better than the original. Kendall's channel is **_k3ndallschmidt, _**so if you go on there, look for **_Creep by Radiohead, You and I Both by Jason Mraz, _**and **_Drive by Incubus _**are**** also fantastic when Kendall covers them.**

**Big Time Thanks to all my reviewers:**

_TidusGT_

_jake bryan kenko_

_AllForCarlosBTR_

_-My Dear Juliet-_

_BadLuckGrl13_

_Bigtimebitch_

_Madame Masquerade 64_

_Somebody xD_

_wyrencounter_

_squoctobird_

***IMPORTANT NOTICE* The first italics are James's dream and then his thoughts. Afterward, when James is singing, the italics represent what Logan is doing.**

**Onto the final chapter!**

* * *

><p><em>James looked over his shoulder, seeing Logan walk in through the front door.<em>

_"James," he said, approaching the back of the chair, "I-I love you."_

_James turned in his chair and lightly chuckled, shaking his head in disagreement. "No one could love me."_

_"You never credit yourself, so when you got older, it seems like you came back ten times over," the brunette whispered, moving to put a hand on James's shoulder, "Now you're sitting here, in this damn corner, looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder."_

_James sighed. He was right. He did that every night when he got home; grabbed a drink and sat at the table in front of the corner, constantly peeking over his shoulder, hoping he was alone to organize his thoughts._

_"James," Logan tried again, leaning on the table in front of James, "I love you. I love you, so much."_

_James kept his head down, staring at his glass of milk. He watched the bubbles pop in the glass and then the table shook, Logan's hip bumping into it._

_"James?" Logan pleaded, "James, please say something."_

_James looked up and sighed, shaking his head and pushing away from the table. The legs of the chairs squealed on the wooden floors as he stood and walked into the kitchen, bringing the milk with him._

_"James?" Logan's voice was barely a whisper. James could hear the way Logan's voice broke in the middle of the word. "James? James!"_

James woke in a cold sweat, mind racing, heart pounding in his ears. Daylight flooded in through the window to his left, the blinds blocking out most of it. The red numbers on his clock buzzed, showing the current time; 4:27 pm.

James rolled over, body aching as a reminder of the night before. He groaned and spotted a note on his nightstand, blinking a few times before he had the strength and motivation to reach his hand out and grasp the small sheet of paper.

**James,**

**I went to work and told Gustavo you won't be in today, saying you were sick. I know you probably had a rough night, so just sleep it off. And I might be home late because I got a date with Kendall tonight.**

**—C**

James sighed and threw the note on the floor somewhere, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He wiggled his toes in the small black shag rug under his feet before he pushed himself up into a standing position and begrudgingly made his way into the bathroom.

He turned the faucet, cold water spilling from the spigot as he cupped his hands underneath the flow and splashed the liquid onto his face. He groaned and looked into the mirror, his cheeks a light shade of pink. His ass hurt a lot from the night before and he looked like hammered shit, in his opinion.

He leaned forward and turned the water off before making his way to the shower and turning that on. He pulled the lever toward him, all the way to the left to get the water burning hot, just how he liked it. He went to get the towel from the linen closet and returned, stripping himself of his clothes and stepping underneath the steaming water.

He hissed in pain as he pulled the curtain to shield his body, hunching over to take the initial burning sensation. The droplets were like hot, searing knives pricking his skin, but he endured the scalding until he could feel it no more, his skin numb with pain.

He took his time, slowly squirting the shampoo into his hand and rubbing the substance into his hair, thinking about the man from last night that invaded his thoughts.

Could Logan really love him? It wasn't possible. James was unlovable. He was meant to suffer and he could love no one, nor have someone love him. It wasn't right, wasn't logical. He was a stripper, good only for dancing and sex. His job was to make a person feel good, without asking anything but money in return. So why was Logan different? What was so special about him that made James suddenly become a different person around him?

James sighed and kneaded his scalp with his fingers, trying to wash out all the grunge from the night before, all the hairspray, glitter, and sweat. He could feel his fingers were slippery from the soap as he pulled his left hand from his hair and rubbed his thumb against his first two fingers, feeling them slide against each other. He stopped moving his fingers and turned his hand over, inspecting his tanned skin. He flipped to look at his palm, which was streaked with red marks along the base of his fingers and inner knuckles from where he clutched the metal frame of the futon for dear life.

He returned his hands to his hair as he leaned his head back underneath the scalding stream, the water attacking his head as it rinsed away the suds, his fingers moving through and wringing the water from his hair repeatedly until the soap was all gone.

James reached for the conditioner and popped the cap, squeezing out nothing but air. He groaned and viscously shook the bottle until its contents hit the bottom of it and the opaque white substance streaked across the floor and the tops of his feet. James glanced down and thought of Logan, remembering the pair of black skinnies that the brunette was wearing, the same ones James unintentionally ruined. His mind wandered and he found himself wondering if Logan had washed the pair of jeans yet, or if the denim still held the white stripes of his—

_'Stop it! You need to stop thinking about Logan,'_ he told himself, shaking his head and averting his eyes from the white drizzled conditioner on the bottom of the tub.

James squeezed the substance in his hand and worked it in his hair, making sure to get every individual strand. He closed his eyes and soon pictured Logan again, the older boy's slender fingers tugging at the chestnut locks as he mouthed at his neck.

"Fuck, Logan," James moaned loudly, effectively snapping himself out of his fantasy.

James groaned, frustrated that he let his mind wander to the college student again. James leaned his head underneath the spray of water and rinsed all the conditioner out, his hair feeling soft already. Only then did he realize he had a problem on his hands. He glanced down and sighed, willing his erection to go down. He refused to pleasure himself, knowing only thoughts of Logan would be surfaced again, and he didn't want that.

James proceeded to reach for the body wash he had, squirting the blue substance onto a loofah and rubbing the lather onto his skin. It felt good, like he was scrubbing his worries away. All the grime of his job, the grit of the constant criticism, and the dirt of his own judgement were washed away, making his skin tingle. He ran the sponge over his arms and down his chest, the scummy feeling he had had vanished as the soap suds dripped down his body. He washed his back, hissing in pain as he hit a tender spot on his shoulder, only to remember it was the wicked hickey Logan gave him when they fucked the night before.

"God damn it!" James yelled exasperatedly, mind whirring as everything he was trying so desperately to forget came pouring back into his head. He tossed his loofah onto the tub floor and stood hunched over, desperately wanting all thoughts and memories of Logan to fall from his mind and get washed down the drain.

He stood there, lost in his thoughts. Images of Logan swirled around in his head and he just gave up, watching the pictures and the vivid memories playback in an attempt to turn him on. James wasn't listening though. He was focused on how timid the brunette was when he first saw him, standing so awkwardly at the bar. James was fascinated by the way the boy carried himself, shy and absolutely precious, his features giving nothing away as his eyes held deep secrets. The small smile James got last night was incredible, Logan's astonishingly perfect teeth glinting as his dimples showed themselves on his cheeks, adorable and prominent, as always.

James shuddered, body shaking from the now icy water that escalated down his naked body. He quickly turned and twisted the knob back, effectively stopping the water flow. He stepped out of the shower and his teeth chattered, fingers shakily reaching for the towel that hung on the rack. He grabbed it and wrapped it around his body, quickly racing into his room to turn off the fan. He flicked the switch on the wall before going to grab a pair of briefs from his dresser. He slipped on the black underwear with white seams, the Abercrombie and Fitch waistband laying low against his hipbones. He picked up his towel and dragged it over his shoulders, drying off his back before he brought the towel to his head and ruffled his hair. He sighed and looked up at himself in the mirror, his entire body having a red tint to it, and his skin stung a little, the hot water still having an effect even though it turned ice cold. James really looked at himself, his face drained of color. He had a sad look to him. His shoulders drooped and his eyes weren't full of the usual excitement they usually held. Was he just tired? Maybe. But it sure didn't seem like something you could just sleep off. He looked physically drained. But then again, who wouldn't when you have sex with people for a living?

However, it was worse than usual. It wasn't his normal "Today I don't feel like doing anything" feeling. It was the "I feel like someone tore my heart out and I'm about to drop dead any second" feeling that ebbed at his chest, that creeped into his limbs, making him grab onto his vanity to brace himself and prevent him from falling over. He wondered what Logan saw in him.

There it was again. That name. _Logan_. As soon as he thought about the aspiring doctor, the empty feeling he got was immediately gone, replaced by something warm and tingly. He looked in the mirror again and the light was back in his eyes, the certain spark that he felt was glowing brightly, his hazel eyes sparkling.

The corners of James's lips curved up into a small smile as he turned and made his way over to his closet and tugged down a pair of straight leg jeans from their place on a hanger. He slipped them on before pulling a black graphic tee over his head. He sauntered back over to the bathroom, picking up his towel on the way and hanging it up on the back of the door before he started working on his hair. Maybe he'd go to The Music Box, that karaoke bar he'd had his eye on lately.

—

Logan glanced at his watch, scooting his chair out from the table. He picked up the three books he had and his notebook, finger stuck in the page where the song he wrote for James resided, bringing them to the check out counter.

"What books today, Logan?"

Logan smiled. "Just some for school, Kelly."

She scanned the books and raised her eyebrow. "Man Fashion is for school?"

Logan blushed. "Well—I—it—"

"I'm kidding," Kelly replied, laughing at the flustered boy.

Logan laughed nervously and took his books from Kelly, handing her his library card. She swiped it before handing it back and giving him a smile. "You're all set."

"Thanks," he said, heading for the door.

He made his way to his car and opened the door, tossing the books into the backseat of his Chevy Cobalt. He picked up the Man Fashion magazine and brought it with him as he climbed into the front seat and flipped through the pages of gossip until he found what he was looking for.

_'What To Know About Strippers_' read the headline, the small paragraphs below holding numbered subtitles. Logan raised an eyebrow and read the page, mid drifting to James.

_'You probably haven't given much thought to the lives of the strippers you hand your money over to in the clubs. The perception that all strippers are dumb, drug-addicted, nymphomaniacs whose only skill is seductively undressing is being challenged by a new study from the University of Leeds in Britain. After conducting interviews with 300 strippers, researchers have uncovered some surprising information about people who take their clothes off for a living. While some of their findings are sadly expected - the industry lacks adequate security resulting in many strippers being abused or raped - other facts revealed by the study may make you think twice about the person giving you a lap dance.'_

Logan pondered the thought. Maybe that's what was up with James. Maybe he got raped by someone and want's to quit, but then he's out of a job. Logan felt bad for having sex with the boy last night now, the guilt creeping up his chest. He averted his eyesto the page and started reading again.

_'1. They're Educated_

_One of the most surprising facts exposed by the study is that one in four strippers has a university degree. About 20% of the people interviewed are using the money they make as strippers to pay for their education while completing undergraduate and postgraduate degrees. Some university graduates, particularly those with arts degrees, have had trouble finding work in their chosen field and have turned to stripping as a way to make money as they continue their job search. Instead of taking a minimum wage job, such as bar work, to pay the bills, they can take home far more money as a stripper.'_

"Maybe he's going to school somewhere," Logan said to himself, rummaging through their conversation last night to see if the taller boy had mentioned anything about school.

...

Nope, nothing.

Logan furrowed his brow and really hoped James wasn't the stereotypical stripper. He really liked the brunette and couldn't see him taking drugs or anything worse.

_'2. They Don't Just Take Their Clothes Off_

_The next thing that men should know about strippers is that the best ones are those who know how to sell themselves. Many assume that a stripper's job consists entirely of getting naked on stage and the occasional lap dance, but researcher Dr. Teela Sanders says that the strippers she talked to claimed that "80% of the job is talking." For a stripper, making money is about more than just exposing their body. To take home the maximum amount of cash, a stripper has to be a smooth talker too.'_

Logan smiled at this. James was quite the smooth talker. Logan closed his eyes and played back the images of the brunette bent over in front of him. The way James just would stare at him, gasping, yet still whisper out, "Logan, fuck me. I want you so much, just take me..." Or how he had the power to persuade Logan to meet him backstage, considering Logan wasn't one to usually go for a random fuck. But somehow, those lusty hazel eyes and that beautiful smile had him wrapped around the taller's finger, making him do pretty much whatever he said.

_'3. They Like Their Jobs_

_A great majority of the strippers the researchers talked to say they are happy with their jobs. This high job satisfaction level goes against the prevailing idea that all strippers hate their work and have miserable lives. The study found that flexibility was one of the major benefits of stripping for a living.'_

Well, James, unfortunately, was part of the prevailing idea. And Logan knew that for a fact. Hearing about how he ran away from home and lived with Carlos's family proved that. But he never said he hated his job. It just kinda came with it. He seemed relatively happy, but there just wasn't a sparkle in his eye when he was dancing on that pole. It seemed as if the boy had a self-loathing quality, something thy mad him think that he wasn't good enough. And it upset Logan. Because Logan knew that James wasn't just good enough, he was the best.

_'4. They Were Not Forced Into It_

_Most of the participants in the study reported that they actively chose to enter the profession and were lured by the potential of making good money while having an accommodating work schedule that would allow them to attend school or raise children at the same time. Researchers learned that there are plenty of people eager to get into the industry, refuting the stereotypical assumption that people who become strippers are forced into it and have no other choice. Many of them are making a carefully considered decision to become a stripper, and that's something men should know.'_

Logan knew James chose his profession. It was a job offer and as a teenager you do what you're supposed to, you take it. James really could've done anything he wanted. He was beautiful, emotionally strong, and driven beyond belief. He could've been anything from an architect to a popstar if he really wanted to.

_'5. They Make More Money Than You Think_

_It is often stated that people turn to stripping because they are attracted to the kind of money they can earn. Results of the University of Leeds study indicate that the average take-home pay for a stripper is $358 per night. A stripper can make as much as $74,000 annually, as much as the average computer programmer or university professor and more than a registered nurse earns in the United States per year. Strippers also spend far fewer hours on the job than many people with mainstream careers.'_

Well, James was set then. He had the money he needed to pay rent, bills, feed himself, his car, and whatever else he paid for. Logan couldn't help but have a nagging feeling in the back of his brain telling him that that was wrong.

—

James walked into the bar, knowing he looked old enough to be there. It was only like, six at night and already some drunk whore was belting out Katy Perry at the top of her lungs. James shook his head and headed up to the bar, the bartender turning to him.

"Can I have a regular Coke, please?" James asked, the man nodding.

James turned to see the DJ calling up the next singer for karaoke. Some bleach-blonde tramp stumbled up and pulled her skirt down before standing at the mic.

"Hieeeee," she slurred, practically eating the microphone. "I'm gonna sing Need You Now."

The DJ played the song and the girl sang, her words muffled since the mic was almost shoved in her mouth.

The bartender gave him his soda and he took a small sip, placing the drink back on the bar before he got up and walked to the DJ and got a binder from him, bringing it back to his previous seat as he skimmed through the pages. It was ironic because he worked at a bar but would rather go to a different one rather than his own.

He searched down the list of songs, tuning out the blonde that was singing on the stage. It wasn't that she was bad, even though she wasn't very good, it was just that Janes still had the same thing on his mind.

Logan.

The brunette sighed and waited for the blonde to finish before approaching the microphone and smiling at the crowd. Someone gave a low cat call and James looked down, picking up the mic.

"I'm James Diamond, and this is dedicated to someone special."

A couple people yelled out, "Jamie!" before he told the DJ what to play. The music started and James exhaled, bringing the mic to his lips.

"When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye, you're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather in a beautiful world, I wish I was special, you're so fucking special..."

_Logan drove home thinking about James, wondering why he worked at a club. He'd seen James all the time there, but was curious as to why they'd never spoken. He was incredible. James didn't need to be there. He didn't need to be treated like someone's bitch all the time._

James flipped the hair from his face, looking out into the audience. "But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here..."

_Logan turned the corner, sighing. He really wanted to see James. He needed to go see James tonight. He wanted the boy. He wanted to make him feel loved. James wasn't the freak that he thought of himself as, he was a victim._

The audience stared in awe at the boy on stage, belting out the lyrics. "I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. You're so fucking special. I wish I was special..."

_James was so special. He was beautiful and caring, and just trapped inside of a crazy, messed up life. Logan stopped at the light and got caught up in his thoughts again, putting on his right turn signal and skimming through the cars in the parking lot of the club. Where was James's car? Logan searched again and his heart dropped, realization kicking in. Did James never want to see him again?_

"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell I'm doing here? I don't belong here..." James closed his eyes, fighting back tears as he sang the song that described him so perfectly. "She's running out the door, she's running out, she runs, runs, runs..." He wiped his eyes, letting out a small breath. "Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. You're so fucking special, I wish I was special.."

_"Carlos!" Logan yelled, running into the club, pushing past people, "where's James?"_

_Carlos shrugged. "Dunno. When I left he was at home sleeping."_

_"Is he okay?"_

_Another shrug._

_Logan let out a shaky breath and looked at Carlos._

_"Do you wanna go see him?" the Latino asked._

_Logan nodded, hoping the brunette didn't hate him. Carlos handed him a sheet of paper with an address scribbled down._

_"If he's home, he won't answer. Just walk in if he doesn't."_

_Logan nodded and rushed out to his car._

"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here, I don't belong here..."

The room was silent except for the song ending. James wiped his eyes once more and gave a small smile before stepping off the stage and taking a swig of the drink he left on the counter as the room erupted in applause.

James walked out and got into his car, shutting the door before speeding off. He needed to get that off of his chest anyway. He needed to stop clinging to the hope of a normal life, to the hope of love. He was a freak. He was a stripper for God's sake! He wasn't normal, so why should he have a normal life?

It took him less than five minutes to get to his apartment, walking upstairs and unlocking the white door to 2J. He dropped his keys on the counter and closed the door behind him, slipping off his coat to hang it on the rack next to the door. James's hazel eyes glistened with unshed tears as he simply looked over his shoulder and back, pouring himself a glass of milk. He walked to the table and sat down in his usual spot, taking a swig of milk before setting the glass in front of himself once more, watching the bubbles pop.

—

Logan came up to the white door and knocked, hearing a chair scrape against the floor behind the door. He waited for the wood to swing open, but it never did, leaving the brunette to stand in the hallway.

He knocked again, louder this time. "James, I know you're in there."

The door didn't open.

Logan jiggled the handle and twisted the knob, deciding to be straightforward with the brunette.

"James," he said, "I-I love you."

James chuckled and turned a little in his chair, shaking his head in disagreement. "No one could love me."

Logan approached the back of James's chair. "You never credit yourself, so when you got older, it seems like you came back ten times over," Logan whispered, placing a hand on James's shoulder, "now you're sitting here, in this damn corner, looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder."

James sighed, having a serious case of deja vu.

"James," Logan tried again, "I love you. I love you, so much."

James simply kept his head down, watching more bubbles pop and hoping that Logan would walk away and hug him at the same time. The table shook, Logan letting out a small gasp of pain as the edge collided with his hip.

"James?" he pleaded, "James, please, please say something."

James just shook his head, pushing away from the table, the chair legs squealing on the wooden floors. He stood and walked into the kitchen, bringing his milk with him and trying to push himself further and further away from the boy in his house. He didn't need to mess up someone else's life.

"James?"

He refused to look up, not wanting to see the face of Logan, sorrowful and lonely. The boy's voice cracked, almost choking the name out.

"James?"

It was closer now, James could tell. He pushed the milk into the fridge and sighed keeping his head down.

"James!"

The taller boy's head snapped up, seeing the brunette in front of him, face flushed with a mixture of anger and sadness. "Listen to me, God damn it!"

A tear fell from the chocolate eyes and James resisted the urge to wipe it away, knowing it would break his resolve.

"I'm sick and tired of not being listened to! I need you, James. I don't fucking care if you're a stripper, or escort, or whatever the fuck you are! I love you for you, and that's all that matters. If you think for _one damn second_ that just because you ignore me I'll give up, you can throw me out right now. But I swear to you, James Diamond, that I _will find a way_. You deserve so much better than this! I want to be there for you, to hold you, to comfort you, to love you. I don't care if you don't know how to love, James, _I'll_ love you. I'll be everything that you want. I'll do whatever it takes to tear down that wall you've built to keep everyone out. I can't go on without you by my side."

And then the room was spinning, James feeling his body wobble. He fell to his knees, arms bracing him up as his breathing became labored.

"I-I..." he choked, arms giving out as he hit the floor.

Logan was beside him in an instant, feeling around the taller boy's neck for a pulse. "J-James, where were you?"

The hazel eyes were hooded, gazing lazily at Logan. "_The Music Box_," James breathed out, chest heaving, body glistening with sweat.

"Did you leave your drink and then go back to it?" Logan asked, a nagging in his chest. "Please say no..."

James nodded.

A tear slid down Logan's face as he picked James up, bridal style, carrying him to the bedroom. "James, you need to get the drug out of your system."

The taller nodded, blinking slowly.

Logan placed him on his bed and propped him up, handing him a trashcan. "Hold on."

Logan raced to the bathroom and rummaged through the drawers and cabinets, looking for something, anything that would help James stay alive. He knew it must've been the date-rape drug, as it was odorless and practically undetectable, except it's symptoms.

Logan found a bottle of Ipecac, grabbing it and racing back to James. The boy was laying down on the bed, chest heaving as he gasped for breath.

"James," Logan said, "I need you to drink this."

The boy slightly shook his head and Logan felt his heart break a little.

"You can't die on me, James!" Logan pulled James up and forced him to drink the medicine, holding a trashcan in front of him. "Just please don't die on me..."

Logan heard retching noises and breathed a sigh of relief, feeling clammy hands reach to hold the trashcan. Logan soothingly rubbed James's back, tears flowing freely down his face as he realized he'd almost lost James, how James could've been dead at the table if Logan hadn't been there.

—

James rolled over popped his eyes open, seeing he was in his own bed again. His stomach hurt and his throat burned, body feeling like he'd been hit by a train. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed, curious as to how he got there. He made his way down the hallway and stopped short, hearing an angelic voice coming from the living room with an acoustic background.

"You had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love. You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you in the corner tryin' to put it together, how to love, how to love. For a second you were here, why you over there? It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body like you never had love, never had love. When you was just a young'un you're looks were so precious, but now you're grown up so fly its like a blessing but you can't have a man look at you for five seconds, without you being insecure..."

James blushed and peeked around the corner to see Logan on the couch, reading off a beat-up, old notebook. "You never credit yourself so when you got older, it seems like you came back ten times over, now you're sitting here in this damn corner, looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder... See you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love.."

James crept out, standing behind the couch to look over Logan's shoulder at the notebook on the table, taking in the scribbled out words and the notes written on the page.

"See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you in the corner tryin' to put it together, how to love, how to love...For a second you were here, why you over there? It's hard not to stare the way you moving your body, like you never had love, had love...You had a lot of dreams that transformed to visions, the fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions, but it wasn't your fault, wasn't in your intentions, you the one here talking to me, you don't wanna listen..But I admire your ' bottles and dippin', just as much as you admire bartendin' and strippin' baby, so don't be mad, nobody else trippin', you see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook..."

Logan's voice was angelic, the way he poured emotion into the song and how his nimble fingers moved over the guitar neck. James smiled, tears coming to his eyes as he continued to listen.

"See You had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love. See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you in the corner tryin' to put it together, how to love, how to love...Oooh, see I just want you to know, that you deserve the best, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. Yeah, and I want you to know, you're far from the usual. Far from the usual..."

"Logan," James whispered, placing a hand on Logan's shoulder. The boy just looked up at him and continued to sing, chocolate eyes glistening with emotion.

"You see, you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love. See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you in this corner tryin' to put it together, how to love, how to love..."

"I love you, Logan," James whispered, cupping Logan's cheek. He ran his thumb across the boy's face as a tear slipped from his eye.

"See you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn't never figure out how to love, how to love. See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you in this corner tryin' to put it together, how to love...how to love...mmm."

James leaned down and captured Logan's lips in a soft kiss, savoring the taste he missed so much. "That song is beautiful."

Logan smiled. "I wrote it for you."

Another tear slipped down James's tanned cheek.

"Don't cry, babe," Logan whispered, thumbing away the droplet.

"They're happy tears," he replied, walking around to sit next to Logan on the couch. "I'm sorry, Logan. For everything. I love you so much and I can't believe it took me this long to see it."

Logan pulled James into his lap, setting the acoustic guitar on the floor. "It's okay, James. I love you, too. You really are incredible and I promise to treat you right. And I just want you to know, that you deserve the best, you're beautiful."

James smiled, caressing Logan's cheek. "And I want you to know, you're far from the usual."

He snuggled into Logan's side, the older boy peppering kisses on James's head, nuzzling his face into his hair.

"Thank you," James muttered.

"For what?"

James looked up, focusing his hazel orbs onto Logan. "_For teaching me how to love_."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: DONE! I hope you guys liked this. I really didn't think the end turned out fantastically, but I'm happy as long as you guys like it!**

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—A «3


	3. It's Too Cold Outside, For Angels To Fly

How To Love III

**A/N: Hi everyone! Just to let you know, I recieved in PMs and reviews that this story needed another part. SO, I made this epically LONG chapter, 11,910 words to be exact. If you haven't read the first two parts, I suggest you do so because this wouldn't make sense to you if you didnt. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush nor do I own **_A-Team by Ed Sheeran_**. **

**Big Time Thanks to all of the people who reviewed this story in the past and loved it, I love hearing your feedback and I love writing this story!**

**Please enjoy, guys!**

* * *

><p>James sighed, eyes staring at the orange peel pattern on the desolate ceiling, head resting on Logan's right pectoral. The green numbers in his peripherals told him it was five in the morning and he sighed once more, curling his toes deeper into the warm comforter.<p>

_Is Logan sure he loves me? What does he see in me anyways? I'm not worth it._

Hazel eyes traced a crack near the fan, leading to the racing blades and bouncing chain.

_I'm still as useless as I was at eighteen._

The blinds were closed and it was still dark outside, the only light coming from the alarm clock's lime numbers.

_He could have anyone he wanted. Why the hell does he want me?_

The rich brown sheets barely covered the two as they laid together. They bunched around Logan's crotch and spread over his hips, stopping just underneath his bellybutton. James had most of them though, the hem cutting diagonally across his chest under his left pectoral to hide his right. Logan's right arm was comfortably nestled underneath James's neck so that his hand could rest on the tanned boy's chest and so he could pull him closer if necessary while he watched him. But at the moment, Logan was being watched by James, while the older boy slept peacefully. His dark brown hair was tousled and flat instead of the wall of alfalfa grain it usually looks like. His pale complexion shone in the night as a contrast to his dark hair while his warm brown eyes were hidden by his eyelids, which were closed so softly and delicately that Logan was the most flawless person James had ever seen.

_Why is he with me again?_

Goosebumps spread out over James's body as Logan's soft fingers combed through James's unkempt hair and his legs slid against the tanned boy's.

"Morning beautiful."

James became lightheaded and giddy at the sound of a sleepy Logan complimenting him this early in the morning.

"Morning."

James turned his head to the left and met the warm brown eyes that he'd grown so fond of in the past couple days. Logan broke out into a toothy, lopsided grin, his hand moving from James's hair to pull him closer, on top of his body. He didn't really care that they were naked. He didn't really care that the blanket had fallen off of James in the process. He just wanted to kiss his god damn boyfriend.

Logan's eyes lit up as he smiled because James had a Cheshire Cat grin across his cheeks as he helped Logan by crawling on top of the older boy. James's mind was whirring, thinking that skin on skin contact with the love of his life was the best feeling in the world. He slid down Logan's body so that they were face to face; smooth legs gliding along each other, firm chests pressed against one another, soft lips meeting in a passionate kiss. James had his arms holding himself above Logan's head and Logan threaded his fingers through James's chestnut locks, gripping at his neck to pull him in closer.

The need for air became too great for the pair and James was the one to pull away first, feeling Logan's body start to react to the make-out session and sweat starting to pool between their bodies.

"Wow," he breathed, long eyelashes brushing against Logan's dampened forehead.

"Yeah," Logan responded, "That'll never get old."

"What?" Hazel orbs met warm chocolate ones, "Kissing me?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Logan's mouth. "No, waking up to you every morning."

James's heart leapt out of his chest and he practically did a happy dance at Logan's choice of words, rolling off of the boy and resting on his right. "Hey, Logan?

"Mmm?"

"Don't you have school?"

Sheets flew up as Logan ran into the bathroom to get ready. "Fuck! I forgot! You just make me forget the world around me because you're my world."

James's heart leapt again._ I fucking love you, Logan Mitchell._

—

"So?"

Logan glanced from his book up at the green-eyed boy across from him. "So what?"

"So you and James, huh?"

Logan scowled at the smug smirk tugging at the corners of Kendall's lips. "So you and Garcia, huh? Never knew you liked the Latin flare, Kendall. I bet it's his ass."

Kendall's face burned crimson and it was Logan's turn to smirk at his friend. "_Oh yeah_. It's his ass."

"Shut up," Kendall whispered harshly at Logan and the brunette turned his attention back to the medical book on the table. "It's a library, Logan. Be quiet."

Logan rolled his warm brown eyes and skimmed over the same paragraph for the umpteenth time, trying hard not to glance up at the man whose jade eyes were boring into his fucking face. Logan could hear Kendall tapping his pencil on the leg of his own chair, a constant clicking noise that was driving him nuts.

_In depression with melancholic features—_

Click.

—_either a loss of pleasure in almost all activities—_

Click.

— _or a lack of reactivity to usually pleasurable stimuli is present._

Click.

"What the fuck do you want?" Logan was met with Kendall's smirk again. "You know how tapping _annoys_ me."

"What are you reading?"

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

"Hey," the blonde frowned, "just because I'm a music major doesn't mean I'm not interested in..." he twisted his head to try and read the front cover, "Psychological Illnesses and Disorders."

He was met with Logan's deadpan stare. "What do you want, Kendall?"

"Carlos called me and said James wasn't his usual self when he went to work this morning. I just wanted to know if anything happened."

Logan shrugged. "A couple nights ago, when I went looking for him, I cornered him at his place." He set his book down and let out a sigh. "I told him that...I loved him."

Kendall gasped, "Dude!"

_"Shh!"_ Another student glared at Kendall.

"Why?" Kendall whispered at Logan, flicking off the other student.

"Because I love him, Kendall. I really do."

Kendall was leaning halfway over the table now, sitting on his knees on the chair so he could get closer to Logan to hear what the boy was whispering. "What'd he say?"

"He kept denying it. He told me no one could love him, trying to tell me I hadn't fallen for him and that I was just...I don't know. I yelled at him, everything I needed to say just kind of...came out," Logan stopped to take a deep breath. He was wringing his hands in his lap, a nervous habit he hated that he had. "Then he just dropped. Said he went to a bar and someone slipped something in his drink. God, Kendall..." Logan looked up at him, eyes glassy. "If I wasn't there, he could've fucking died."

Kendall got up as quietly as he could and made his way to the other side of the table to pull Logan into an embrace. He saw Logan fighting his tears, knowing it must've been painful to see James like that.

"I fucking saved him, Kendall. He could've been dead. _Dead_," Logan mumbled into Kendall's shoulder. "He could've _died_."

"But he didn't," Kendall kneeled down next to his best friend and looked up at him. "You saved his life. Look at you, not even a doctor yet and you already saved a life."

Logan cracked a smile. "And I wrote him a song. He loved it and he told me I taught him how to love."

Kendall smiled and patted Logan's shoulder, moving back to his side of the table. "Anything this morning?"

"Not that I know of. James just told me he woke up around three this morning because he couldn't sleep. He didn't eat much, either. Just drank a glass of milk and said he doesn't do breakfast, that he'd get something at work. He's always a bit down in the mornings—_wait a minute_." Logan picked up his medical book that was forgotten a moment ago and skimmed the pages until he'd found his lost place. "I think James might be depressed."

Kendall came back around the table and crouched next to Logan as he glanced over the page. "What's it say?"

"It says here that in depression with melancholic features, either a loss of pleasure in almost all activities or a lack of reactivity to usually pleasurable stimuli is present. Three of the following symptoms are required to make a diagnosis." Logan looked up at Kendall.

"What are you looking at me for? Read!"

"Lack of reactivity to usually pleasurable stimuli...maybe that's why James is never up for any love-making in the morning."

Kendall scoffed. "You mean baby-making? _Read_."

"Okay, uh, symptoms are depressed mood that is distinctly different from the kind that is felt when a loved one is deceased, depression that is worse in the morning, waking up 2 hours earlier than usual, observable psychomotor retardation or agitation, significant weight loss or anorexia, excessive or inappropriate guilt, feelings of worthlessness."

Kendall looked from the book to Logan. "Yeah, I have no idea what you just said. English, please."

"James always seems sad in the morning, not in an 'Oh, my mom just died' kind of way, but in a self hatred kind of way," Logan stood and paced between the shelves of medical books, "and he got up around three in the morning when we usually get up at five. He never eats anything and he feels bad over every little thing, like one night when he accidentally spilled water on the floor."

"Excessive guilt?"

"Close," Logan pointed at Kendall. "_Inappropriate_ guilt."

"What about the observatory motorboat thing?"

Logan walked to the next bookshelf, mind still working. "Observable psychomotor retardation or agitation. It's when someone's slowed down, or their thoughts are slowed down or when someone's nervous or anxious to the point where it's noticeable to others."

"Oh."

"Did Carlos say what was up with James?"

"He said he was a bit..." Kendall's eyes widened, "anxious."

"Bingo. The only symptom that we don't have is feelings of worthlessness."

Logan's watch beeped, signaling it was nine in the morning, time for him to head to class. "Hey, Ken?"

"Hmm?" the blonde hummed back, crawling around the floor to find his lucky guitar pic that he could've sworn was on his pocket a second ago.

"We still doing lunch?"

"Wha—" _THUMP_. The blonde managed to hit his head coming up from under the table. "Ow."

Logan stifled a laugh. "Lunch? You and me? Today?"

Kendall seemed to ponder it for a moment before rubbing the sore spot on his head and frowning. "Sorry. I have a lunch date with Carlos. But, if you want," a glint of mischievousness appeared in his jade eyes, "I can make it a double date. You, me, Carlos, James. Half past noon at The Coffee Bean. Be there. I'll tell Carlos. Bye!"

The blonde gave Logan no chance to object before he ran out of the library with his backpack on and his guitar in his hand.

—

"Logan, I'm eating. That's gross."

The brunette shrugged, "It's true. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm."

"I don't care if its true, its disgusting. _I'm eating_," Carlos glared at Kendall. "I blame you. You brought up eggs in the first place."

Logan raised a finger. "Speaking of eggs—"

"Don't."

Logan made a stank face before looking down at his and James's shared plate, finding James's half of the burger partially eaten with a few fries missing. His eyes traveled to James's face, which was serious as he watched the dog at the table next to them. The wind blew and ruffled James's hair, briskly blowing the intoxicating scent of 'Cuda past Logan's nose. "Hey, babe?" Logan wrapped an arm around James's flannel-clad shoulders. "You okay?"

James turned to Logan and nodded, nuzzling into Logan's side to stay warm in the frigid winter air.

"You sure?" Logan asked.

James leaned up toward Logan's ear to whisper, "Can we talk about it at home later?"

With the pleading hazel eyes, how could Logan refuse? "Sure. But I'm not gonna drop it."

"I know," came the whisper.

Logan sighed and pulled James close, glancing across the table at Kendall, who was trying to pick out dessert while Carlos was preoccupied by messing with the page to annoy the blonde. "I love you, James. You know that, right?"

"I know, I love you too," James mumbled into the other's shoulder.

Logan kissed James's hair and leaned his back against the wall of the restaurant so that he could pull James into his lap. "You want dessert?"

A shrug.

"Ice cream?"

Another shrug.

"How about cupcakes?"

James nodded at that and Logan offered a warm smile and a chuckle, getting James to crane his neck to look at him. Logan pressed his lips to James's softly and smiled down at him. "I love you, James. Don't ever forget that."

"I love you too."

"And I thought _we_ were cute," Kendall scoffed, "They're so cute it's _disgusting_."

The waitress came around and placed the order for two cupcakes and a bowl of vanilla ice cream with two spoons.

James wiggled out of Logan's grip. "I'll be back. Bathroom break." and he turned and walked inside the restaurant toward the bathroom.

The moment he was out of sight, Carlos and Kendall focused on Logan. "Did you find out anything else about the depression thing?" Carlos asked. "Kendall updated me when we waited in line for an outside table."

Logan thought for a moment. "Has James been under stress lately?"

"Gustavo's always yelling at us when we practice routines," Carlos scratched the back of his neck, "It's enough to stress anyone out."

Kendall seemed to take that as invitation. "Hey, Carlos. If you ever, y'know, need a massage or anything after work—"

"Kendall, focus," Logan scolded. "Recent data shows that over ninety percent of diseases are caused or complicated by stress. That high stress job James and you—" pointing at Carlos, "—have could be doing more than just wearing you down each day. It could also be increasing your chances of having a variety of serious medical conditions like depression, high blood pressure and heart disease."

Carlos seemed to think about that. "Do you know what symptoms he has?"

"Well, as you can see by the little food he's eaten now," Logan motioned to their lunch plate, "James hardly eats. It's a sign of anorexia and or weight loss. You also mentioned he was anxious this morning, another symptom called observable psychomotor agitation which means he was anxious to the point where people notice. He seems sad in the morning, in a self loathing kind of way, and feels guilty over the dumbest things such as—"

"Drinking the last of the milk?"

_"Exactly_, Carlos. Inappropriate guilt. He also appears to wake up about two hours prior to our usual alarm, which would explain why he's tired."

"You're missing one, Logan." Kendall had a smirk on his face as Logan's cheeks turned a scarlet color.

"Well?" pried Carlos.

Logan sighed deeply before muttering, "In depression with melancholic features, either a loss of pleasure in almost all activities or a lack of reactivity to usually pleasurable stimuli is present."

Carlos had a look of confusion on his face. "Can you use English?"

"James doesn't get all excited when Logie here puts out." Kendall snickered as Logan's brown eyes tried to look menacing and angry while his cheeks and his neck were red from the blushing.

"Oh," Carlos replied, holding back a laugh while Logan crossed his arms in agitation. "What does the other part mean? That he doesn't like doing any other activities?"

Logan nodded, throwing a piece of bread at Kendall to get him to stop laughing. "Pretty much. And there was one symptom we haven't seen James portray yet; feelings of worthlessness."

Carlos's eyes widened and he was about to say something when James walked back out of the restaurant and curled up next to Logan again._ "I'll tell you later,_" the Latino mouthed, glancing up at the waitress that was holding his bowl of ice cream.

—

The moment Logan stepped into his Psychology classroom back at UCLA, he felt like something was off. He felt as if he was dealing with forces he couldn't handle, like he was putting so much burden on Carlos just by him knowing about the depression theory. What did Carlos have to tell him? What did he know? And James, Logan sighed and looked at the floor. Keeping something from James was killing him. 'No secrets,' they'd promised each other and the guilt was consuming Logan.

_James can't feel worthless...can he?_

Logan looked around the room, in search of his professor. He needed to talk to Ms. Wainwright, needed to know how to save James from his own worst enemy; himself.

"Ms. Wainwright?"

Logan heard some shuffling in the office to his right and a woman's head popped around the bookshelf. "Logan, is that you?"

She smiled and stepped out of her office with an old psychology textbook and moved around Logan to place it on her desk at the front of the classroom. "Did you leave something in here during class this morning?"

"No, actually," Logan nervously scratched the back of his neck, "I have a question."

"Come," she replied, motioning him into her office. She pointed at a chair in front of her desk for him to sit in while she got comfortable behind her desk. "How can I help you?"

And the awkwardness set in. "Well, you see, I have a friend who I think is depressed and I wanted to know if it's possible for me to...uh..."

"Rehabilitate?"

"Yeah, rehabilitate him without having to send him for treatment because I know he won't _go_ for treatment."

Ms. Wainwright thought for a moment. "There might be a way. Have you diagnosed him yet?"

Logan looked at the wooden panels of her desk. "I haven't told him yet. I just...I don't know what to do. He's so stubborn but I love him so much and I hate to see him this way."

"Is this about that tall fellow? James, I think he said it was. Came in here looking for you when you and your blonde friend went to lunch after Psych yesterday."

Logan's head popped up. "You know him?"

"I remember him vaguely. Said he was looking for his boyfriend, Logan. I just figured it was you, but it could be another—"

"_No_—I mean, _yes_, he was looking for me. I diagnosed him. He has depression with melancholic features. Not severe, though," Logan pulled the _'Psychological Illnesses and Disorders_' book out of his bag and flipped to the bookmarked page before placing it in front of Ms. Wainwright. "He has all the symptoms, but they're mild. Now that I think about it, he's only been like this for a few days. I have to talk to his best friend though, to see if its been going on longer."

"Go do that," she replied, putting on her reading glasses. "I'll look over this."

Logan nodded and ran to call Carlos. "Carlos?"

_"Hey, I was just about to call you."_

"What did you need to tell me?"

Carlos's sigh was heard through the phone. _"Remember the feelings of worthlessness thing?"_

"Yeah."

_"James never stops feeling worthless. Ever since his parents kicked him out, he always tells himself he isn't worth it. Guaranteed if you're up while he sleeps, you'll hear something like, 'I'm just as useless as I was at eighteen.' Always."_

"Has he always been depressed?"

There was silence for a moment. _"I don't think so. Never like this, at least. I think being with you makes him think he isn't good enough."_

"That's bullshit. If anything, _I'm_ not good enough for _him_. Thanks, bud," Logan replied, mind already formulating a plan.

_"No problem. Help him, Logan. You're the only one who can at this point."_

After hanging up, Logan retreated to the office where Ms. Wainwright looked at him expectantly.

"He's never been depressed like this. I guess little episodes here and there, but Carlos said it was never like this."

"Do you know the cause of it?"

Logan decided to go with work stress, not wanting to mention himself being part of it. Ms. Wainwright wrote down a bit of instruction for Logan to follow to, hopefully, break James of his depression. And Logan was determined to make this work.

Briskly walking down the hallway, Logan held his book in his hand with his backpack slung over his shoulder.

"Hey, Logan!"

_This is not my fucking day_. "Not a good time, Camille."

The brunette office assistant ran after him and kept his pace. "I just wanted to give you your acceptance letter. They want you to intern at the Medical Center, deets are in the envelope. And good luck on whatever you're doing!" She stuck the envelope into his book before heading the direction from which she came, leaving him to throw everything in the back of his car and speed out of the parking lot.

Warm brown eyes glanced at the note Ms. Wainwright had written him.

_Try having a romantic evening. Compliment him whenever you can, make his favorite meal, or take him on a movie date. Do something romantic that will take his mind off of work and make sure he knows he's worth everything you're putting into the relationship. And don't rule out anything intimate._

A blush made it's way onto Logan's cheeks as he made a mental note to leave sex as a possibility. "I have to make it about James."

—

James sat on the futon in his dressing room, chugging an entire bottle of water before throwing the plastic at Carlos. The Latino turned his head to glare at James from the floor, refusing a few minutes prior to sit on the 'fucking futon', pun intended. "How much longer is Gustavo gonna keep us? We know our routines forwards, backwards, upside down—"

He was cut off by his phone buzzing in the corner, some annoying default ringtone playing.

"I bet it's your boy toy," Carlos said, wiggling his eyebrows.

James shrugged and stood to retrieve his phone. "Doubt it. He has no reason to call me in the middle of the day, so why would he?"

Carlos sighed and James picked up the phone as he walked back to fall on the futon. "Hello?"

_"Hey, babe."_

_What do you know? Carlos was right._ "Hey, Logie."

Carlos threw the forgotten water bottle at James just so he could give the pretty boy a smirk to say, _'I told you so.'_

_"I have a question for you."_

James gulped, empty stomach doing flips as he prepared himself to answer. "O-Okay." Logan had a tone to his voice that sounded stern and demanding, as if he knew something was up and wanted answers.

_"How would you like to go out on a date with me tonight?"_ James could hear the smile in Logan's voice.

James bit his lip out of nervousness. _Why am I nervous? It's only Logan._ "Uh...I have to work around eleven, so not too late."

_"So six works? I'll pick you up and have you at work by eleven."_

"Sure."

_"Wear something comfy, doesn't have to be fancy."_

"Alright. Love you."

_"Love you too."_ James beamed as he always did when Logan uttered those words.

Carlos hoped Logan helped poor James, because he didn't have the light in his eyes anymore. James might look fine to someone he doesn't know but to Carlos, James was looking worse by the minute.

James glanced at his watch, noting that he had three hours until Logan would whisk him away for their date.

"All dogs are released. I repeat, all dogs are released," Gustavo's booming voice echoed over the intercom. Carlos hopped up and went to change out of his mechanic costume, leaving James sitting in a pair of scrubs. James closed the door behind Carlos and tugged off the doctor costume. He slid into a pair of jeans and lucky white v-neck, zipping up his boots and pulling on a leather jacket. A green beanie sat atop his head, a plaid scarf around his neck, and his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He stuck his fingers into his gray fingerless gloves and grabbed his bag before knocking on Carlos's door to let him know he'd be waiting.

Stepping into the cold Los Angeles afternoon had James wanting to run back into the warm building. Although snow is rare, it sure as hell feels like fucking Antarctica. As James made his way to his car, the noises of the city surrounded him. He crawled into the driver's seat of his Audi and started the car, turning the heat on, nice and warm. James flicked on the radio, the channel being KIIS 102.7.

_"It's Jojo on the radio, who's up for some holiday tunes? Starting off the commercial-free power hour is Nat King Cole with The Christmas Song here on KIIS FM!"_

James warmed his hands by the heat as the song floated through the car. November 21st was the date and already they were playing Christmas music. It wasn't even Thanksgiving yet.

Carlos jumped into the car like his life depended on it in a flannel and shorts, tossing his bag in the backseat. "It's cold."

James rolled his eyes and pulled out of the parking lot, eyes shifting to the blue numbers of his clock. Three thirty. Two and a half hours until his date. "Why aren't you wearing clothes? You're wearing clothes for a Floridian winter."

Carlos glared at James. "Because I'm used to _Floridian_ winters because I'm from _Florida_, you fucker." He slapped James's shoulder and the pair laughed. "And you? You're dressed like Frosty the fuckin' Snowman. It's not _that_ cold out."

"It's definitely not Minnesota, I can say that much. I miss Minnesota."

Making a right, James drove through the Beverly Hills homes before finding himself on the Avenue of the Stars.

"I wanna live in a house like that." Carlos sighed, staring at a large salmon-colored mansion. "I bet it has a pool and a tennis court."

"It does, Carlos. If you wanna live in 90210, you are required by law to have both," James answered, scrunching his face at the radio. "Why don't they ever play Hanukkah songs?"

Hotels passed by the window Carlos stared out of, the Latino turning towards James to answer. "I don't know. Bunches of Jewish people seem to like Christmas though, if they're willing to sing about it."

James raised an eyebrow.

"Think about it! They sing about Christmas all the time! Barbra Streisand, Adam Sandler, _you_."

"Can't think of any more?"

James stopped at the red light and looked at Carlos, who was shooting him a glare. "I was going to say Justin Bieber but then I realized—"

"He's not Jewish, he's Canadian."

"I _know_!" Carlos yelled, making a face. "Way to interrupt me."

James laughed a bit until they got home, Carlos plopping on the couch and James heading up to his room to get dressed. Another glance at his watch, four o'clock. Two hours.

Tossing his jeans into the hamper, James stripped himself of his accessories and his overclothes, leaving him to stand in his boxers under the heating vent. Warm air washed over his body, goosebumps spreading across the expanse of skin. Hearing the loud laugh of the Latino in the other room, James took that as a cue to grab his towels and get into the shower.

Upon entering the tiled bathroom, James set his linens on the black marble counter and made his way towards the shower. He pulled the lever toward him, all the way to the left to get the water burning hot, just how he liked it. James slid his boxers down his legs and stepped underneath the stream of scorching water. As the droplets hit his back like searing knives, a memory of the night before stirred in his mind and brought a small smile to James's solemn face.

—

_"Logan, stop it." James tried to sound stern, but when Logan continued to softly kiss his neck, despite being scolded for doing just that, James just naturally tilted his head to give Logan better access. "I need to shower—mmm, stop it."_

_"I go with you," came the whisper. James shuddered, exhaling shakily as his lover's warm breath blew over his sweat-slicked skin. "So beautiful."_

_James tried to walk from his dresser to the bathroom while Logan clung to his back. The dead weight behind him made his task unsuccessful, leaving him to stop in front of his full length mirror. "Logan, please—"_

_"James, just relax." Pale hands slid down tanned arms, sliding underneath the tan hands to thread their fingers together. "I want you to let me love you." Releasing their clasped hands, Logan ghosted his fingertips up James's chiseled abdomen, kissing at his neck again lovingly._

_His hazel eyes fluttered shut at the hypnotizing feeling of the chilled tip of Logan's nose rubbing along his jawline to be followed up with feather light kisses. "Logan, I-I need to shower. I have to go to work soon."_

_"Your shift starts at eleven tonight," Logan kissed James's right temple, "and it's only eight." Another kiss in front of his ear. "Let me show you how much you mean to me."_

_The timbre of Logan's voice had James quivering slightly in anticipation; soft and gentle, with an edge, and at certain times—_

_"Be my lil' freak."_

_Ugh, that rough tone. Certain words he said sounded like pure sex, nice and raspy._

_"Mmm, James," Logan breathed, lust from Logan's moan heading straight to James's nether regions. "You're so beautiful."_

_James stopped staring at Logan's pale hands contrasting to his own tanned complexion to look up at themselves in the mirror. I mean, sure Logan came eye level with James's lips. Sure, Logan wasn't as toned, and sure, Logan wasn't nearly as turned on as James was, but that didn't make it any less of a sight to behold._

_"Jesus, Logan. What did you do to make me so damn horny?"_

_A deep chuckle resonated and the slick surface of Logan's teeth grazed along James's right shoulder blade as he smiled, pressing another kiss to the damp skin. The normally warm brown eyes were now darkened black with lust when they met the hazel eyes in the mirror. "I watched your flawless face as you slept and made sure the wood you woke up with had no time to go away."_

_James craned his neck to meet Logan's lips in a passionate kiss, mouth hungry. Logan met the kiss just as eagerly, using his strength to crush James against the mirror. A sharp gasp is what Logan swallowed instead of letting James's sound surface, as the tanned boy's boxer-clad bulge got a sweet taste of relief. "Logan," came the choked whisper before the older boy smothered James's mouth with his own. "I-I nee...shower..."_

_Logan smirked and pulled James up off the mirror, fingertips tracing the V line of his hips to snap the waistband of the tight fitted boxers as he mouthed James's shoulder. Logan guided James into the bathroom and turned on the water, all the way hot how James liked it. Logan sat on the toilet seat and grabbed James by the front of the waistband of his boxers and pulled him into his lap._

_"So hard for me, babe," mumbled Logan against James's kiss-swollen lips, sweat beads sliding down the back of his own neck as the steam from the shower heated up the small bathroom. "Let's shower."_

_James lolled his head back as Logan sucked on his jugular, bangs starting to mat down to his forehead. One of his hands was threaded into Logan's sweat-damp hair while the other gripped his shoulder for dear life. A strangled half moan tore its way from James's throat as Logan's hands, clammy from warmth, slowly tugged James's boxers down as far as he could. At this, James was obliged to stand and, crawling from Logan's lap, he stood opposite Logan, taking the opportunity to slip out of his underwear and stare at his lover._

_"Still a child, are we?"_

_Logan tore his eyes from James's cock to look down at his own, covered by a pair of low-cut Batman briefs. Looking back up at James, a smirk appeared on his face as he stood, lips dripping with a reply. "Hardly."_

_Within seconds, Logan was shed of his briefs and James was tossed into the shower, almost tripping on the side of the porcelain tub. He did, however, manage to slip once under the water and Logan was all over him. The older boy took it as a cue to straddle James's waist and grind against him, while James's hands grasped the sides of the tub._

_"Ngh, fuck," James ground out through clenched teeth, hands slipping from the tub as Logan pushed down on his chest. "Lo—shit! Logan, I-I need to...to...ugh!"_

_Hips betraying him, James thrust up into Logan's wet hand, jaw clenching and unclenching with the moan he was trying to silence. "I need to shower," he managed to grit out, getting Logan to abruptly stop his movements._

_Shaky breaths came from James along with the sound of the water spraying on Logan's back and on the sides of the tub. "Fine, love. Fine," Logan sighed, getting off of James so that the other could stand. "At least let me help you."_

_Determined not to give in again, James gave Logan a side glance before reaching over his head to grab the shampoo, letting out a gasp when Logan kissed his right side. He pulled the bottle down and popped the cap, squirting some into Logan's hand, which shot out over his own open palm. A smirk played on Logan's red lips as his hands reached up to tangle in James's chestnut hair. "Can I at least kiss you?"_

_'No,' James thought, 'you can't. You'll just get me to give in.' Hazel eyes darted around before landing back on Logan, giving a simple nod. 'What are you doing?' his mind screamed, 'Now we'll never get out of here.'_

_Logan pulled James's head down and kissed him fervently, slick fingers soaping up the wet locks as he ran his hands through James's hair. James reached a hand up to caress Logan's cheek, scrunching his eyes shut as soap dribbled down his face. James whimpered, a needy sound that Logan greedily swallowed._

_Using the bottle still in his hand, James put some shampoo on Logan's head and dropped the bottle onto the shower floor, reaching up to lather the older boy's dark strands. The scent of 'Cuda Spice Lime wafted in the steaming shower as Logan's hand moved from James's head to the back of his neck and around down his chest, pushing him backward underneath the stream of water. Logan's lusty, half-lidded gaze watched as the taller turned around, back toward Logan, and rinsed out his hair. Streams of white suds rolled down the expanse of his back and over his firm ass, making Logan step forward and press his aching length against the very thing that he wanted._

_"Logan, I—"_

_"Hush, love," Logan rasped, pressing two fingers to James's lips as the taller craned his head toward Logan. Logan slipped his fingers past James's lips and into the warm cavern of his mouth, feeling the tanned boy's tongue already swirling around the digits. "Just suck."_

_The soap ran down Logan's face as it washed out of his hair. He bent James down on his knees, popping his fingers out of James's mouth before pushing James down further so his hands kept him up. Getting on his knees himself, Logan pressed kisses to James's lower back, sliding a slick finger into his tight heat. A strangled moan erupted from James, enough encouragement for Logan to press further, adding a second finger._

_"Damn it, Logan, just—" Another moan interrupted his sentence as the older boy probed for the one spot that made James melt, which he'd successfully found. "Logan..."_

_The college boy hooked an arm underneath James and pulled him up, finding his lips and slipping his tongue past them without hesitation. James gripped his shoulders as Logan coaxed his legs up to hook around his waist. Pressing James's back against the black tile wall, Logan whispered, "Relax, baby," against James's lips. He pushed in, nipping at James's neck as the younger boy's mouth fell open._

_Logan's mind whirred, realizing that James hadn't put up much of a fight. Usually James tries to gain dominance, most of the time failing and giving in to Logan's butterfly kisses and roaming hands. This time, James seemed...different._

_"Move." A breathless whisper snapped Logan back to reality and after detaching himself from James's neck, he looked up and gazed into the younger's hazel eyes, losing himself in the earthy tones._

_"James, I love you. Don't ever forget that."_

_James averted his eyes to look at the shower head to his left. "I know."_

_"Hey, look at me," Logan turned James's chin toward him with his thumb. "I mean it. I love you, James. I just need you to believe it, too. Can you do that for me?"_

_James nodded shyly and his cheeks turned red at the loving smile he received from his lover. "What?"_

_"You're so beautiful."_

_James smiled and kissed Logan's soft lips, squeezing his shoulders to get him to move. "Logan, please." He didn't care how desperate he sounded, he just needed Logan to fucking move._

_Logan took a deep breath and gave an experimental thrust, watching as James's jaw slackened and his nails dug into Logan's shoulders. Another thrust, a bit harder, and James's head hit the tile behind him as he threw it back in pleasure. "Ugh, Logan! More...please..."_

_The brunette delivered a hard thrust up into James's tight heat and moaned himself as his lover tightened around his length, creating unbearable friction. Unintentionally, Logan hit James's sweet spot dead on, making his legs slacken from around Logan's waist and a growl sound from his throat. Logan released James's hips to catch his legs before they fell, continuing to thrust into his lover and extending his neck to capture James's lips in a hungry kiss._

_James was trying to be quiet, but he just couldn't. Between the water cascading down his body and the feeling of Logan pounding into him, his entire body was shaking from the extreme amount of pleasure coursing through his veins. His back stuck to the wall like a suction cup, breath coming out in harsh pants as the back of his knees were supported my Logan's strong arms._

_A particularly harsh thrust had James screaming out, his mind pushed back into reality to see Logan in front of him, wet hair hanging in his face. He was grunting, trying to do his best to make James feel the best he possibly could. So when James shrieked out in pleasure, Logan's pink lips curled up into a smirk, aiming to get the hazel-eyed beauty to do that again._

_He knew he'd succeeded when James's fingers squabbled along his shoulderblades, jaw dropping as the water dripped steadily down his flawless face, earthy irises but a thin line around the wide pupils._

_"God, Logan, d-don't stop," the younger boy whispered, throwing his head back against the tile. He was so close. He felt the familiar heat pooling in the pit of his stomach, like a balloon ready to pop. When he finally hit his high, he let out a guttural moan and rested his forehead against Logan's, breath ghosting over the brunette's chin._

_"I love you," Logan whispered, gently capturing the sculpted boy's lips in his own._

_"I love you, too," James responded, looking up into the warm brown color of the college student's eyes._

—

James replayed the memory over and over and over again as he washed himself, scrubbing away the sweat from rehearsal today. He took his time forgetting he had only had until six.

A doorbell stopped his humming, making him turn off the faucet so he could get out of the shower.

_Please tell me Carlos is awesome enough to get the door._

"James! Someone's at the door!"

_What an asshole._

James wrapped a towel around his waist and ran out to get the door, seeing Carlos passed out on the couch just as he was before the doorbell rang. Running his fingers through his hair, James pulled the door open to reveal Logan looking more fine than he usually does. His hair wasn't styled in the faux hawk it normally was, but was rather unstyled and flat and incredibly sexy. Because of the cold, he had on a pair of drop-crotch skinnies and leather boots, torso adorned with a short-sleeved, polka dot dress shirt under a black vest with a little red kerchief in his pocket. A leather jacket was in his hand as he gave James a lopsided grin and nodded towards the apartment. "Can I come in?"

Jaw hanging open, James just stepped aside for Logan to enter. "You're early."

Logan scratched the back of his neck and smiled. "I wanted to see you because I missed you."

James kissed Logan briefly before walking toward the bedroom. "I'm not ready yet so just make yourself at home and gimme a minute."

Logan followed James into the bedroom and laid down on the bed while he watched James throw his extra towel back in the linen closet. James returned and stepped to his dresser to pulled out a pair of leather pants and American flag tank top, throwing them on the bed with a pair of socks and high top sneakers along with the jacket he'd worn home. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed his glasses, tossing them on top of the jacket. Chocolate eyes scanned up to see James staring right back. "Are you watching me?"

Although he wasn't embarrassed, his cheeks still reddened and a half smile indicated that _yes_, Logan was indeed watching him. The older boy just stared as James chuckled and shook his head, unfolding the leather pants. He dropped his towel and Logan about fainted, expecting at least _something_ to be underneath there. _Now_ he was embarrassed. "You—I thought—But...why aren't you wearing underwear? Aren't you gonna put some on?"

James chuckled at his flustered boyfriend. "I literally _just_ got out of the shower when you rang the doorbell and no, I'm not wearing any. My pants are too tight."

Logan sighed and rose, heading to James's dresser and rummaging through the underwear drawer he knew all too well. "Here," he said, tossing the jockstrap James had worn the first night they had sex toward the younger, "use that. No panty lines and it looks sexy." Logan wiggled his eyebrows and James smiled, slipping on his undergarments and his pants, leaving Logan to stare longingly at the happy trail and muscles left on display.

_James Diamond, you'll be the death of me._

Logan stood while James did his hair in the bathroom, shirtless, just to tease him. He walked to the kitchen, the television still playing the SpongeBob episode that Carlos had been watching before the couch became empty. Logan opened the fridge and pulled out the milk carton, closing the fridge and setting the carton on the counter to reach up into the cabinet for a glass. Humming to himself, he grabbed a glass and set it on the granite countertop, a crunching noise sounding.

Looking down, Logan closed the cabinet and picked up the glass examining the counter and the bottom of the glass. He ran his finger across the bottom of the glass, a white powder residue on the pad of his finger. Upon further examination, there was a powdery substance on the counter, almost like—

"Ready to go?"

Logan popped up, looking at James standing by the door, fully dressed. "Uh, yeah." He wiped his hands on his pants. "There's something on the counter and I'm not sure what it is exactly..."

James looked nervous as he walked around to where Logan was, shrugging and wiping it into his palm to throw away. "I guess I missed some flour cleaning up. I wanted cookies and I tried to make them when I got home...but I almost burned the house down. _Let's go!_"

James grabbed Logan's hand and pulled him out the door, Logan furrowing his brow and thinking to himself in his confused state. _But you don't like to bake...what's going on, James?_

—

"Where we going?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why are we walking?"

"Because it's part of my plan."

"It's dark and the woods and I don't like dark or woods and—"

"I considered blindfolding you."

And that shut James up. The pair trekked up the hill, stepping over fallen trees and branches. A faint, yellowish glow was on top of the hill, underneath a large banyan tree wrapped in white rope lights. "Logan, what..."

Logan laced their fingers together and pulled James along, glancing back as his face was illuminated in the glow of the candles.

_Try having a romantic evening. Compliment him whenever you can, make his favorite meal, or take him on a movie date. Do something romantic that will take his mind off of work and make sure he knows he's worth everything you're putting into the relationship._

Ms. Wainwright's voice read the note in his head, watching James's face light up in a smile. "Logan...you did all this? For me?"

"For you," he replied, pulling out a single rose to hand to James. "And there's still more."

_And don't rule out anything intimate._

James stared at the candlelit picnic as they approached the checkered blanket, a woven basket sitting open with a bottle of wine sticking out one side. Plates and wine flutes were set up, little luminaries surrounding the whole thing. "You made dinner, too?" James asked, sitting down on one side of the blanket and looking inside the basket.

"Well..."

James pulled out a plastic bag with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in it, "PB and J?"

Logan chuckled nervously. "Yeah...I tried to make spaghetti but I found out I can't cook._ At all_. So I made what I could."

"It's perfect."

Logan sat down across from James, reaching for the other sandwich and the wine, using a corkscrew to pull the top off and pour each if them a glass of the Krug Rosè. James smiled and put the rose he was holding into the vase of roses next to the basket. "Why'd you do all this?"

_Busted._

Sighing, Logan put down his glass and formulated a speech in his head. "I, uh..._we_, Carlos and Kendall and I all thought you've been acting strange lately. I hate to see you sad, James. I wanted to do something to make you happy, make that light come back into your eyes. So, I figured a romantic picnic would help."

James nodded and took another bite of his sandwich, staring down at the rose next to him.

"James, please say something."

"I have to tell you something. I'm just scared to because I don't want you to hate me, but it's not something I'm proud of." James saw Logan wringing his hands together like he always does when he's nervous. "I...I...I can't do this."

Logan's heart dropped. "Can't do what? Can't do _us_?"

James sighed, shaking his head. "I can't tell you because you'll leave me."

Logan scooted over to James and pulled the other into a hug, breaths coming out in puffs in the cold air. "I won't get mad, I promise."

James pushed away from Logan and stood up. "That's exactly it, because you will! It's not like I only did it a year ago or something, Logan. It was fucking _yesterday_!" James growled, angry at himself, angry at everything. "You can't help, I just need time."

Logan got up and faced James, stepping toward him. "Who says I can't help? At least I'm trying, okay? I just want what's best for you."

James shook his head and angry tears spilled down his cheeks. "I say you can't help. I can't take back what I did. I'm not going to rehab either, which is what you'll make me do!"

"James, just tell me."

"I can't, Logan. I just can't."

"_Yes_, you can."

"_No_, I can't. You don't understand."

"Help me understand."

James shook his head and furiously rubbed at his eyes. "I can't!"

"Stop saying that, James, and tell me God damn it!" Logan was shaking James now, impatient and desperate for answers.

"You wanna know so bad? Fine!" He shoved Logan into the grass. "I did crack, okay? I fucking did it because I had a fucking relapse!"

Logan stared at James as the hot tears on his face had steam wafting off of them in the cold night. "Y-You had a _relapse_?"

"I keep secrets for a reason," he whispered, walking over to the base of the banyan tree.

"James—"

"I don't need your sympathy. I'm not going to rehab, I'm fine on my own."

Logan made his way from his spot by the blanket to James, handing him a wine glass. "I'm here for you, James. I'm not gonna—I won't send you to rehab."

"I was fine, and then yesterday at rehearsal I was loathing myself, that I wasn't worth it anymore, that I wasn't good enough for you, that—"

"You were just as worthless as you were at eighteen, I know, Carlos told me."

James sighed. "Wally offered to make it okay, just like every other time in the past. Told me he was gonna do some after rehearsal, said I could come, make it worth my while. So I did, right before I went to have lunch with you." His voice cracked, "I felt so bad last night, having sex with you without letting you know. I felt like I betrayed your trust somehow, without you ever knowing. I was clean, sober, and now...I'm living with a cloud of guilt over my head."

He downed the glass of wine and grabbed the bottle Logan brought over to take a swig. "It's okay, James. I forgive you."

"But I don't forgive myself!" And he was standing again, "I never told Carlos because I didn't want to hurt him, get him angry. That was the reason I took the job at that strip club, because I needed money to pay rent a-and buy drugs."

"I'm not mad."

"Yes, you are! You don't want to be, _but you are!_" He threw his hands up.

James stumbled backward over a tree root as Logan got to his feet, going after him. "Honestly, I'm not."

"Bullshit! You would've never done all this," he gestured to the picnic, "if you knew."

Logan was fed up with this. He wasn't mad, just...upset that James would hate himself over nothing and be forced to let drugs take away the pain. "You want me to be mad? I'll be mad. I'm pissed off, James, because you didn't fucking tell me! I have a right to know."

"That's just it, mister future doctor! You _should've_ known!"

Logan got in James's face and stared daggers into his hazel eyes. "_Fuck you, Diamond._"

James's glare faltered and he was pushing Logan to the tree trunk, crushing their lips together in need. Logan flattened his hands on James's chest and pushed him back, looking James in the eyes and seeing them filled with unshed tears. "James, what are you doing?"

"Logan, I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you," he whispered, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. "Please, if you still love me after all this shit...show me."

James felt Logan grab the front of his shirt and yank him forward again, lips desperately moving against one another. "James, I will always love you, no matter what."

James gave into Logan's roaming hands, letting Logan kiss away his tears and switch their positions so that James was the one with his back against the large tree. Logan's face was illuminated by the rope lights wrapped around the tree and it bathed his skin in a bright glow. Logan leaned forward and kissed James's neck, gently pushing his leather jacket down his muscled arms. It gained a shudder as the cold night air hit James's warm skin and as Logan bit down on his pulse point, the older boy thumbing off James's glasses and dropping them in the grass.

Logan tossed the jacket beside the tree and let James take off Logan's own, blindly dropping it in the same direction of the other. Logan moved back to capture the younger's lips, yanking the beanie off the top of his head to tangle his fingers in his damp hair. "Love your hair," he mumbled, "Stop hiding it."

James moaned in reply and started unbuttoning Logan's vest, smirking slightly as he realized it was the same one Logan wore when they first met. It slid easily down the older boy's arms and lay in a rumpled pile in the grass, forgotten as James's nimble fingers worked on the buttons of the polka dot dress shirt. It came off soon enough, Logan's pale complexion glowing in the light. Logan slid his tongue past James's lips and James put up the battle for dominance he usually does, Logan winning easily. As Logan takes his time exploring James's mouth, he snakes his hands underneath James's tank top, pulling it up and briefly separating so that it can be discarded into the pile of clothes. James's body reacted to the sudden cold, nipples erect and shoulders quivering. Logan disconnected their mouths to kiss along James's neck, a hand sneaking down to unbutton the leather pants that James was having a hell of a hard time trying not to rip with his throbbing length.

"Logan, get them off. _Now_," he half begged, half ordered. He kicked off his sneakers, not paying attention to where they went as Logan peeled, _peeled_, the pants off of James. James panted, freedom taking a toll on his body before the dull pain came back, the small taste of relief gone. Logan threw the pants aside and James worked on Logan's button, the college boy toeing off his boots.

"Drop crotch pants? Isn't that a bit MC Hammer-esque?"

"I can't wear normal skinny jeans," Logan replied as James yanked his pants down his legs, "I'll suffocate."

James dropped Logan's pants on the side of the tree and Logan grabbed the younger's wrists, pinning his hands above his head as his mouth was assaulted. The tanned boy was crushed against the tree, Logan's hips rolling smoothly against his own. A moan tore from James's throat and Logan spun them around, pushing James onto the grass and falling atop him.

"Logan, _please_," he begged, voice scratchy and rough, "I need you. Make love to me."

"As you wish, beautiful," the latter purred, letting his lover remove his underwear before removing his own.

As cold as it was, the pair was sweating and panting, bodies moving against each other in desperate need for friction and release. James reached for Logan's right hand and stuck his fingers in his mouth, swirling his tongue around three digits to make sure they were nice and wet. Logan yanked his hand from the bartender's lips, trailing them down to his firm ass. Logan tenderly kissed his boyfriend's thigh before slipping his index finger into the tightness.

"Shit! _Ngh, Logan, _more," James moaned out, "I need _more_."

Logan stuck all three fingers in at once, probing around for James's sweet spot while James thrusted down onto the digits, whining that he's ready. Logan spit in his hand, slicking up his hard member before lining himself up and pushing forward in a hard, fast thrust. He wrapped James's legs around his waist and laid on top of his lover, continuing to thrust while swallowing James's moans and growls.

James panted, moaning quietly behind Logan's mouth, hands threading into Logan's soft hair. He readjusted his legs and locked his ankles behind Logan's waist, pulling him closer and making him thrust deeper.

Logan grunted and got James's subliminal message, disconnecting their mouths to pick James's lower body up and thrust harder at a new angle. He felt the taller boy shudder beneath him and let out a cry, letting him know he'd hit his sweet spot. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge, finding the sounds James was making such a turn-on.

Logan dug his nails into James's soft sides, feeling the boy buck upward. He smirked and slid out before filling James again, a loud moan ripping from James's throat. Logan leaned forward, brushing his thumb over James's jugular lightly before placing his lips over it and sucking, smoothly thrusting inside of James. He nipped at the tender skin, hearing mewls of pleasure spill from the taller boy's lips.

James's hands roamed Logan's sticky body, fingers tangling through his hair, hands gripping the back of his neck to pull Logan closer, nails raking up his smooth sides. He pushed his throat up into Logan's mouth, loving the feeling of Logan's hot tongue against his sensitive neck. He took in a sharp breath, feeling Logan's hair tickling his chin. He smelled the musky scent of Logan that he loved so much and cried out, Logan thrusting fast and hitting his prostate dead on.

Logan tumbled over the edge with one more thrust, painting James's insides white. He panted and shallowly rolled his hips forward, watching James unravel beneath him. He felt James's legs squeeze around his waist and he once again sucked on the pretty boy's tanned neck, biting harshly at the tender skin. A strangled moan escaped James's lips as he reached his release, shooting his hot seed all over his and Logan's stomachs.

"I fucking love you so much, Logan Mitchell," James smiled, eyes falling shut from exhaustion.

Logan smiled and pulled out to lay beside James, giving him a sweet kiss. "I love you, too, James Diamond."

—

James popped awake the next morning back at Logan's, recognizing the rich brown sheets. Logan wasn't next to him, but instead a pair of darkwash jeans and his lucky white v-neck were neatly folded. His leather jacket hung on the coatrack on the corner along with his green beanie. His sneakers were tossed by the door and his glasses were on the nightstand by his head, waiting for James to wake up.

James rolled out of bed and smiled to himself as the clock read 9:47 am. He was in a pair low-cut Superman briefs, his grin widening once he realized they were probably Logan's. He got dressed in his jeans and put on his glasses so that he could make his way downstairs without falling, spotting Logan on the couch.

"There's my Clark Kent. How'd you sleep?"

Logan's bright smile had James smothering him with kisses, almost crushing the guitar that was in the older boy's lap. "I missed work."

"You fell asleep at the picnic and I had to dress you and carry you down the hill, through the forest, and to the car _before_ I put out all the candles and cleaned up our mess, so you wouldn't catch cold," responded Logan, "and I set you in bed here around nine, drove to your house and switched your clothes, and told Carlos you got attacked by bees and had to stay home."

"And he believed it?"

Logan frowned. "No. He just looked at me and said, _'You guys fucked and now he's sleeping. Got it.' _and then he left for work."

"Damn it. I wanted to show you my impression of you in the future."

"Huh?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

James made a stank face. "My costume last night was one hot, young doctor."

Logan smacked James's arm and James moved off of him to settle beside him on the orange couch, glancing at the tattered notebook he'd seen once before. "You wrote a song?"

"It's _your_ song," Logan said, strumming the chords on the guitar.

James stared at Logan as he played, waiting until the angelic voice kicked in. "White lips, pale face, breathing in snowflakes. Burnt lungs, sour taste."

James's heart fluttered, swaying lightly to the soft beat of the music.

"Light's gone, day's end, struggling to pay rent. Long nights, strange men," Logan sang, eyes trained on James. "And they say he's in the class A-team, stuck in his daydream. Been this way since eighteen but lately, his face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries and they scream, the worst things in life come free to us. 'Cause we're just under the upperhand, go mad for a couple grams, and he don't wanna go outside tonight. And in a pipe, he flies to the Motherland, and sells love to another man. It's too cold outside, for angels to fly."

James watched Logan with huge eyes, lip quivering as the old memories flooded back, ones he' been trying to forget.

"For angels to fly."

_"Do it, James. It feels good. Makes you forget," Wally coaxed, handing the eighteen-year-old the little baggie._

"Ripped gloves, raincoat, tried to swim, stay afloat. Dry house, wet clothes."

_"It takes the pain away and I can get it for you," Wally smirked, "if you're willing to pay."_

"Loose change, bank notes, weary-eyed, dry throat. Call boy, no phone."

Logan belted out the lyrics like it was the only thing he knew how to do, pouring his heart into every word. "And they say he's in the class A-team, stuck in his daydream. Been this way since eighteen but lately, his face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries and they scream, the worst things in life come free to us. 'Cause we're just under the upperhand, go mad for a couple grams, and he don't wanna go outside tonight. And in a pipe, he flies to the Motherland, and sells love to another man. It's too cold outside, for angels to fly."

Logan glanced at James, who was staring with tears in his eyes. "An angel will die, covered in white, closed eye, and hoping for a better life. This time, we'll fade out tonight, straight down the line."

_"It's not enough, James. If you want it, you have to pay up." Wally looked him up and down. "But there is another way," he smirked slyly, hand feeling up the nineteen-year-old._

"And they say he's in the class A-team, stuck in his daydream. Been this way since eighteen but lately, his face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries and they scream, the worst things in life come free to us. 'Cause we're all under the upperhand, go mad for a couple grams, and we don't wanna go outside tonight. And in a pipe, we fly to the Motherland, or sell love to another man. It's too cold outside, for angels to fly."

_"No, Wally. I'm done," the now twenty-year-old stated, pushing the other man off of him._

"Angels to fly," Logan caressed James's cheek, strumming the last chord, "For angels to die."

"Beautiful," James whispered, "absolutely beautiful."

"You're my angel, James."

"No," he replied sternly, "Logan, you're _my_ angel. You're the one who saved _me_."

"I love you, James."

"I love you, too."

The pair shared a loving kiss, Logan smiling. "And for the record, _I think we saved each other._"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Another LONG chapter done. Please, **_**please**_** review! If you want another segment to this, let me know and I'll type one up. **

**Thanks so much for reading! Review!**

—A «3

_P.S. Happy early 22nd birthday to James David Maslow! I love you and will always support you no matter what!_


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